There are so many things I wish I could say to who I used to be. I used to be timid and insecure. I lacked confidence but always had a passion for helping people. I used to be very hard on myself and unable to accept the fact that everyone fails sometimes and that everyone makes mistakes. I refused to accept anything less than perfection. I refused to accept myself. I refused to be happy. I lived in a dark world. Everything was a shade of gray and my soul was the grayest of all. I moped around. I came home from school and lay in bed for hours on end until I would eat dinner and fall asleep, only to repeat the same miserable routine over and over again. I was stuck in a never-ending rut. Here is a letter to that girl from the girl who found passion and drive in her life. Here is a letter from the same girl in a much more happy place, who has a bright soul now instead of a monochromatic gray one. Here is a letter from me to my former self.
If you could see where you are now, your life would be so much different at this current moment. But since you don’t, and since you refuse to accept the fact that things after high school will make you so much less miserable, you’re probably laying in bed right now, eating a whole box of Cheese-Itz, and moping over how “unfair” life is. The truth is, life seems unfair to you right now, but everything that you are going through is going to allow you to wrap your head around how beautiful life is for you today.
Unfortunately, no matter what I say will help you to wrap your head around how precious life is. Nothing I say is going to ignite the drive and passion you have for life now. I wish you were living the life I’m living right now. I wake up every morning and live the life that everyone made me feel like I would never have. You have started to treat your body like the precious piece of work that it is. You have started to fuel it and cherish it, and even on some days, you love it! Crazy right?
You have started to love the woman you have become. You have friends and people who have to be around you. Somewhere along the line, something ignited a spark- an eternal flame that fuels your will to live passionately and thoughtfully.
I can’t lie — you still have really really terrible days. You still have days where you don’t want to get out of bed or where you cry for no reason. You still have days where you get angry and second-guess yourself and everything that means something to you. You still have days where you feel worthless and you don’t want to eat. You still have days where you loathe yourself more than anything in the whole world. I would be lying if I told you that you didn’t have those days, but they are few and far between. They aren’t as intense or as sad. They are minor bumps in the road to you now, girl, and you power through.
You found passion and purpose. You are beautiful and wonderful. You are social and happy. I am so proud of you for becoming who you are and continuing to grow. Just remember, things get a million times better for you down the road, so just keep on keeping on.
