When I threw my head back laughing, I felt a weird jolt run up my spine and through my arms. I looked across at my three best friends all huddled around in a tight circle, each avoiding the massive crowd at the bar we happened upon that night, and smiled. How great are they? Here we are in a place that no one really wanted to go to (well, except for maybe my friend who loves dancing), and we all seem pretty pleased with the night's path. As one of them begins a new crazy work story, I silently realize that I never thanked them for making me come out tonight, and all the nights before when I was feeling too sad to get out of bed. So here it goes, my open thank you letter to the people who picked up the pieces that someone else smashed.
I don't know when it started. I think it had to of been cosmic the day we all met each other. They say that lovers come and go, but best friends are the satellites that stay constant. I remember the night it all fell apart, my world, my whole heart. I called one of you on the phone and left the most tragic voicemail. My sobbing made my words unclear and you could probably hear my heart shattering in the background. It didn't matter that I was being melodramatic, or that you were at work until really late that night, you still called me in the morning and asked if I needed anything. In fact, you called almost every day for a full week after, up until we met to talk it all out over dinner. Thank you for making plans with me almost every other day those first few weeks so I didn't get lonely. Thank you for making sure I knew that even when I was alone in my room, I was never truly alone in spirit or support. Thank you for ensuring the wine we drank over dinner made me feel almost as good as the next few months. Thank you for being there for me, without me even having to ask.
When the weekend came and I couldn't find a single piece of clothing to wear without it reminding me of him, you offered me your closet. You dressed me in adorable tops and beautiful dresses while laughing the whole time and feeding me with compliments. And whenever I said I thought I looked fat, you'd stand behind me in the mirror and told me that I wasn't. You encouraged me to wear crop tops, something I never used to wear out of insecurity. You made me feel good about myself, even when the tears ruined my mascara. You fixed my hair right before we would leave to go out, and smile at me and say, "you can do this, you look great." It was in those moments when I found the courage to walk through the door of a crowded bar where I'd inevitably run into the person who broke my heart.
When I did run into this person, you never left me stranded. You'd subtly turn me around and say something marvelously funny. Or you'd find the nearest attractive man and attempt to wing me off. You never let me have an awkward encounter and protected me from getting red in the face. On the nights when my anxiety would take over, and I'd had entirely too much to drink, you'd carry me home (flailing limbs and all). You'd tuck me into bed and tell me that I was in fact pretty and that he was in fact a jerk. The next morning you never mentioned the sad parts, instead you only laughed with me about the funny parts and the walk home I didn't remember. Thank you for distracting my wandering mind and for helping me focus on only the positive side.
While I struggle to find the person I lost in a failed relationship, you've stood by me the whole time. You've never once judged me, turned your back on me, or told me I was wrong for how I felt. You gave and give me time to heal without ever pressuring me to just "get over it." You've sat on the phone with me for hours just listening to me cry, and I should've said thank you each time. Though I must admit I've been self-centered, I'm saying it now to the whole world. Thank you.
Thank you for being the strength I couldn't find. Thank you for pushing me to feel better. Thank you for picking up the pieces that someone else broke. Thank you for showing me that life really does go on, no matter how desolate I felt. Thank you for loving me, especially when I couldn't love myself. More importantly, thank you for pointing out all the reasons why I should love myself.
Thank you for getting out your hot glue gun and adhering glitter back into my life.
“No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never go through it, without your friends.” - Carrie Bradshaw, "Sex and the City"
