Let me begin by saying thank you.
Thank you for comforting me. Thank you for caring about me. Thank you for staying.
Currently, I am not in the best place. I've sunk rather low on account of the circumstances that have existed in my life these past few weeks, and I just want you to know it means the world that you haven't walked out of my life because of this.
I understand I am not a delight to be around right now. Most days, I do not want to leave my bed. Or I will try and go out, but end up leaving early on account of a sadness that washes over me.
I want to let you all know I am trying. When you invite me to hangout or go somewhere I truly want to go. Yet, right now, I don't think it's best for me. I don't say “no, I can't” because I don't want to go out. I turn the invitation down because I know I am not the greatest company at this moment and want you all to have fun. I would not have fun, because you see, when I go out and pretend everything's okay, then my tomorrow is even harder than my yesterday. It makes me happy knowing you are out having a good time, even if it means I cannot be part of it.
I also know that I haven't been the most invested friend these past few weeks. I do care about what you guys are experiencing and am still eager to know what activities you have participated in, but my expression of that care has not been demonstrated and I understand that. The isolation I have brought upon myself works best without me reaching out to others.
I want you to know that it's easier for me to simply not talk, than struggle to explain how I am feeling.
When you ask me what's wrong I want to tell you, but I know that it's best to keep this to myself. I appreciate so very much your want to understand me, but you truly cannot because I do not even understand myself right now.
But, thank you.
Thank you for not walking out when things have gotten difficult. Thank you for not making me feel guilty of my isolation. But most importantly, thank you for still caring.
I will be better soon.