I miss being friends with you for many reasons. It is hard to pin point the single reason that I miss being your friend so much. I miss the laughs we shared, the stupid fights we had, the jokes, the smiles, the hugs and the way that you could pull me out of a bad mood unlike anyone else that I know. I miss your spirit, your zest for life. I miss being able to just talk to you. Our friendship definitely had its ups and downs which ultimately lead us to forced interactions, to trying to be in the same class together for a semester feeling the awkwardness that was so clearly there, to not speaking at all, to trying to talk again in person but still feeling so awkward and not even knowing what to say to each other, to not talking at all for a few months to re adding each other on snapchat sending each other silly snaps and keeping it light. It sucks that we aren’t as close as we used to be. I can remember what ultimately drove a wedge between us but it hardly matters anymore or at least not as much as it used to. I still have some feelings of not being good enough to be in your life and having that feeling of always being the outside and looking in just waiting to be accepted and noticed. I have worked hard to fight those feelings, losing 55 pounds has certainly put so much in perspective for me. I can see clearly now and I value myself so much more then I used to. I am in a better place, a place where I could see us being friends again or at least trying to be. It took me so long to pull myself out of the hole that I was in, to get over myself and realize that I am worth something. I am sorry that I treated you so badly, I think I did that because I had to lash out at someone and usually you took the brunt of it, which really isn’t fair to you. I know us becoming friends won’t be easy but I think it could happen. I don’t hate you or blame you for much anymore all though at one time, I definitely did hate you and I did blame you for a lot. I am sorry for that. I am sorry for everything that I ever did to hurt you or to make you feel sad. I was recently thinking about everything that we fought about and it all seems so silly now. I realize that it was probably silly then but I just didn’t see it. It seemed so important then but now it just seems like it was not really worth fighting over. I do appreciate you giving me so much space when I needed it and for always being so understanding about it. I just wasn’t ready to talk you yet and I needed some time. I am sorry that I made everything so awkward for so long. I am sorry for not being able to really talk to you about what was going on or being able to let you back into my life for so long. I am sorry for being sorry all the time and for just being so difficult at times. I am sorry for getting so mad and for pushing you away. I never should have done that to you, I miss having you around, I hope we can change that soon. So if you don’t hate me too much or if you don’t hold too much sadness in you from how horribly I treated you, I would like it if we were friends again. Consider it at least.

Thanks.