When I was little, I always defended you, even when others knew you were in the wrong as a parent. As a kid all we want from our dads is love and compassion. As I grew and the world began to change around me, I realize there is so much more to being a parent then compassion or love. These qualities are important, but as a dad, you need to be empathetic, caring, teach and reliable. As a child we count on you to stick around and do whatever you can to help us become successful.
You chose this life and it saddens me to say I do not fit in it. You will never know the woman I have become and how she thinks. You may think you know me but if you did, you would know how badly this hurts me. I am not an object you own, I am your daughter. All I ever wanted was to make you proud. I think what breaks my heart the most is that you let someone destroy our relationship and I firmly believe that if you found someone else you would let the same thing happen again.
After 6th grade you stopped being a parent. From that point on you let me down and I just allowed it to happen. I blamed myself for awhile because I thought I was not good enough by the way you treated me. I watched you leave for work and be gone for weeks. You usually arrived late because you were too busy with your mistress. I told you how unhappy I was. You pretended to care and nothing ever came of it. You even found my goodbye letters and never talked to me about it. Why didn't you try to help? Was it because recognizing I needed help meant you would have to look yourself in the mirror and you can't imagine doing that. You watched her hurt me and you sat back an did nothing. I trusted you and you failed me as a parent. As I got older I realized I deserved better but every time I would tell you how I felt, it was my fault, or you said I was being dramatic.
I am now 22 years old. For half of my life now I've watched you blame me, fail me, and leave me. You've had plenty of chances with me. To this day I have abandonment issues because of you. I am so terrified of someone leaving me because I am not good enough that I end all romantic relationships so I do not have to feel the pain of being left.
So here is my last words to you. You will never get the time back you lost with me. You will never get to watch me graduate and accomplish what you couldn't. You will never get to walk me down the aisle. You have burned your bridges with me but you still have a chance to be better. Not with me but with your future grandchildren. Be a role model that you weren't for me. Listen, show up, and love unconditionally because your timer is running out.
I wish you could be different. I wish you could of been proud of me like all dads are of their little girls. I wish I was enough for you and I wish you would of tried harder.
The Woman You'll Never Get To Know