Dear ?,
Honestly, I'm not sure what to call you, you've not really been a "dad" to me so I feel that's not the right title to give you. You left when I was five years old and I was too young to understand, I still don't understand it, but my New Years resolution for this year is to let go of everything that is negative, habits, feelings, etc. Part of that is the feelings I've held onto since I was five. I've harbored anger, sadness, confusion, etc when it comes to you.
I feel when it comes to my heart there will always be a place for you simply because you are my biological father, but other than that I have no memories of you. It's really funny to think that I have held onto all these emotions and I can honestly barely remember you. All I really know is what Momma told me before she died which wasn't much and what the rest of my family has told which again isn't much. What I have heard though doesn't paint a pretty picture of the type of person you are.
I use to get so upset when other kids in my class would talk about their dads and what they did the weekend before, they would tell of amazing adventures and I couldn't relate. For a long time I thought it was my fault that you left, I thought that you didn't want me. Momma had to take me to consoling to try and help me with everything that I was feeling. Even with consoling though I would still get so angry that I would say some horrible things, think horrible things, but it's time for that to stop. I have to let go I have to move on otherwise I'm only hurting myself.
I forgive you.
I forgive you for leaving, for never being there, for never hearing from you. I forgive you for not being there to teach me all the things that fathers teach their daughters. I'm sure you had your reasons no matter what they were and I understand that now. Don't get me wrong I still wish that I knew you, I still wish that I would hear from you but I know I can't force that, you have to want it. But I guess we want different things and that's okay. I hope you have a good life, I hope you are happy. I also hope that maybe one day you might want to get to know the person you brought into this world. Also know I'm not forgiving you because I think you deserve to be forgiven, I am forgiving you because I deserve to live my life without the emotional mess you left behind.
Also don't worry about you not being around I still had a father figure growing up and he taught me everything fathers are suppose to teach their daughters. I turned out just fine and I'm living my life to the fullest. You will always be my biological father but you won't ever be my daddy.
Sincerely,
The daughter you left behind
