When I came out as transgender back in 2014, I lost the majority of my family support. Everything from throwing me out of family functions, using the wrong name and gender pronouns on purpose, and just completely invalidating me every time I saw them. This is an open letter of the things I wish I could say to them years later.

Dear Family,

I remember the day I came out to you. I did it in one mass post on Facebook then wrote a letter to those who weren't on my Facebook. I was terrified, but extremely happy after spending 2+ years in the closet to finally share this part of my life with you. It didn't go the way I expected it. My letters were ignored, my phone calls were never returned, my Facebook posts were ignored. My birth name at family gathers was still used, my preferences were disregarded, you pretended it didn't exist. Your denial reminds me of the denial I went though when trying to figure out my sexuality and identity. So that's why I was, and am probably the most patient trans person you will ever meet. I understand how difficult it is, that's why I was patient. Patience can only go so far, though, once it got to the point where you were the only ones still using my birth name, I was embarrassed to bring my new friends over. I demanded to be called my name, and somehow I became the disrespectful one. It's like being transgender was viewed as a terminal disease; everything I did was wrong. Somehow being trans made me a compulsive attention seeking liar.

After 14 years of living as female, I finally became happy with myself. It just breaks my heart to know that you'd rather have an unhappy, suicidal, depressed granddaughter/niece than a happy, successful, living grandson/nephew. I never knew that being my true self would cause the strain on our family like it did. With every action you took to fight against my transition, to every word that escaped your mouth, it hit hard. Every time I think of you, my heart gets heavy. I gave up my entire family; not because I'm selfish, but I wanted to survive.

Yes, I legally changed my name and gender marker on February 24, 2016. That was the best day of my life. However, there was always a way to bring it down. "You're an embarrassment to the family, how dare you disrespect your parents like that!" It brought me down, I'm not going to lie. I felt extremely guilty, it took a lot of friends and self-care to bring me out of that hole of depression.

I also started hormones on April 4, 2016, which was the second best day of my life. "You're mutilating your body! You're going to regret this later on in life." If only you could have seen my face and emotions when I took that first shot of testosterone. If only you could have seen the pride in my face the first time a coffee barista called me sir. If only you could hear my positive self-talk for the first time. Then any mentions of my upcoming top surgery would result in comments like "you should at least wait until you're thirty." If I had to wait until I'm thirty, I may not be here to wait that long. It's my mental health we're putting on the line here.

I'm sorry that my identity makes you feel so uncomfortable. I'm sorry you grew up in a time where this wasn't acceptable. I'm sorry that you have such a hard time seeing me as the happy man I've become. However, I can't apologize for who I am. Regardless of what you call me, I am Jaden and I've always been Jaden. It just took 14 years for him to be shown. Regardless of how you've treated me in the past, you are still my family. I will not allow you to disrespect me. The door is always open, but it's only open if you decide to change and walk through it yourself.