Dear father,
You have no idea how many times I've wished you were part of my life. You have no idea how jealous I was of my friends growing up, because their dads were always there for them, protecting them, taking care of them, and you were never there for me. My whole childhood was spent thinking what I did wrong and wondering what I could have done to keep you around. Do you have any idea of what that does to a child?
There has always been this emptiness deep down inside of me. Your absence has affected me and my self-esteem more than I'd like to admit. I don't trust people easily, because my whole life has been filled with lies coming from those who I am supposed to be trusting. I never think I'm good enough for anybody, because I grew up thinking I wasn't good enough for you to want to be part of my life. So why would I be good enough for someone else, if I wasn't good enough for my own dad? I understand it wasn't entirely your fault, but I wish you had fought harder to keep me in your life. I wish I was a priority rather than a mistake or a choice you had to make.
I had so many questions, dad. I had so many questions, and no answers at all. I didn't want your money, I just wanted you, and to know that you cared. Where were you when my heart was stolen and broken for the first time? Where were you when I felt lonely and worthless? I didn't want your money, I just wanted my dad to hold me and tell me that I was unbreakable and priceless, I just wanted my dad to tell me that everything was going to be okay. It's crazy to think about how it's been 19 years, and you have missed every important event in my life. For years I wondered what I did wrong to deserve this. But dad, the longer I questioned things, the more I started to realize that maybe this was a blessing in disguise. So many years I've held onto this anger and pain, but I finally learned to use those feelings that you instilled in me to make the best version of myself.
Sometimes I wonder if you feel guilty when you see pictures of me growing up because you could've been there but you weren't. But when I think about all of this, instead of wanting to scream and yell at you, I want to say thank you. Thank you for making me realize from a young age that I can be independent, that I can be strong, that I deserve to be happy. Because of you, I've learned that things and money don't buy love, I've learned that you can't disappear from someone's life and then come back expecting everything to be okay. Yes, your absence hurt me for many years, but thanks to you I am who I am today.
To the father I never knew, I made it without you. I am happy; I am strong; I am confident. I don’t need you now. You let go of me years ago, and it's time for me to do the same.
Sincerely,
The daughter you never wanted.
