A few days ago I sat in my grandmothers kitchen with tears coming down my face, as she said, “I don’t know who will come to your wedding.” I didn’t really understand what she meant at the time, but as she progressed with the conversation I realized that I didn’t know who was going to come, either.
Yes, the idea of me marrying a woman scared me all my life because I wanted my whole family to be there, but after dating a woman for two years and not having anyone stop and have a conversation about it with me, I assumed that nobody had a huge problem with it. Here I am, about two months from marrying Kelcie, and I am finding out that more and more people don’t agree with it, and won’t be attending the wedding.
At first I was shocked, but that didn’t last long. It is sad to say, but I am not even surprised now. As I sat there and thought about it, I realized that I should have known. These are the same people who always seem to think the worst because my sisters date boys of color. These are the same people who blame everything on people of color. These are the same people who seem to think that they are better than everyone else.
I do not care if you are conservative or not, discrimination in any form is not OK. Me being gay, is no worse than your sin of divorce. My sisters dating colored boys, is no worse than your sin of drinking uncontrollably. We all sin and no sin is greater than the next person’s sin.
I am really lucky that the most important people in my life -- my parents and siblings -- have accepted me for who I am. My parents taught me to always do what makes me happy and to always be myself. They know I am happy, and that is all that matters to them.
My whole life, my mother instilled in me the mentality to be nice to everyone and to not judge. She told me to be friends with everyone because everyone needs someone. I am so happy that I was smart enough to listen to her. Being judged doesn’t feel good, especially when people don’t even have the decency to sit down with you and have a conversation about it with you.
I want you to know that when you make comments about me and
my future wife you aren’t hurting me, you are hurting my parents and my
siblings who did nothing to deserve it. You are bringing down a big part of
your family just because, once again, you think you are better than someone
else. Maybe you should start a conversation with me, and do a little less
talking behind my back.
Ultimately, I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for teaching me to be a
little more cautious and to not assume. Thank you for driving me to want to
achieve equality so much more. Most importantly, thank you for making me realize
that the people who truly love me have always been there for me, and they will
be the ones there on my wedding day. And to be honest if you don’t want to be
there, I don’t want you to be there. I want the people there who believe in
Kelcie and I. The people who see the love that radiates between the two of us.
The people who believe in happiness. The people who still see me for the person
that I am.
Thank you,
Alisha.
