Love happens for a reason even if it is the most terrifying emotion that one will ever experience

Now you three guys changed me for the best even if you hurting me was the one way to do it. Time after time I tried to figure out where I went wrong, because I know I did. Time after time I tried to think what I could of differently for you “the one”, to want me as much as I wanted you. The thing that I didn’t realize until now at 12:32 in the morning right before my college final at 8 o’clock in the morning tomorrow is that you changed me for the best and I can’t thank you enough.

I will give the honor to the one I was with the longest, the one who first showed me what love was but crushed me in the process.

I don’t think you ever realized how fascinating you were to me. The fact that I could stare into your eyes for hours and really never get bored. You were the first one to ever make me feel beautiful even if I just woke up with morning breath. You were there with me through it all. My first year of high school, my junior prom, all of the things that happened to me that I thought was the end of the world, and so much more. You were my first hero and I never wanted to let you go.

I thought that we were going to be together forever, but so did everyone else. My mom still talks about you, and loves you even after all the crap you put me through cheating on me time after time even when I gave you nothing but attention and love. That though wasn’t even the worst part. You put me down also, told me I wasn’t worth anything. There was so many great times during our time together that we had that I will forever cherish and laugh about till my stomach hurts.

Remember all the family gatherings we attended or the months on end that we laughed until we cried? But man did you hurt me. Even though you did hurt me; you changed me. You showed me to stay strong because there is always a brighter day. You taught me that someone will always put you down and the only person that is ever there for you is yourself. You were my first love but you also ended up being my first heartbreak. There were so many lessons in our relationship and the one that I will forever hold tight is that I should never give up, I should always stay strong and hold my ground because someone is always there to knock you over. So, thank you.

The next one was such a screwy relationship that I laugh about time after time.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret what I had with you because it was a lesson in such a messed up relationship. I got great blessings out of a relationship that I knew did not mean a single thing to either of us. I got a second mom that still cares for me and loves me even if her son and I are no longer together and we both have moved on. I got to exchange laughter with you and your best friends even if they will never notice me in public.

I also got memories with you even if they don’t cross your mind. Like the time that we sat at your house during Halloween just talking while handing out Halloween popcorn balls when we knew that we should of went out like normal teenagers. I also got a wonderful senior ball date out of it who danced with me even if you hated doing so. I got piles of writing about you hurting me and also the best part was that I ate more chocolate chip pancakes then I should ever consume in a lifetime.

You, also changed me. You showed me trusting people is never a good idea and that sometimes you don’t always have to see a future with the person that you are with. I know you and I both knew that what we had wasn’t real and it would never last and well now I am finally okay with it. You were more of a friend to me and we both saw it even if none of us wanted to say it. I’m glad that I got to experience this type of dating early in life. So out of the relationship that we had I learned that forcing a relationship is never a good idea no matter how badly you want it to happen so for that thank you.

Now to the last one and the one relationship that I regret the most.

Even though we dated the least out of the other two guys you were the one I regret the most. I regret hurting you as you hurt me. Even if your family hated me I still think about you. You treated me with such great respect and I will forever cherish and hold that with me. You are the one guy that I can say made me feel loved and respected. I still remember like it was yesterday going for walks at Oak Island or Facetiming till 2 in the morning and then hanging out the next day. I remember the amount of times that we laughed even if you did drink the rest of my Kiddie Cocktail.

We both did things that we could have done differently but they clearly happened for a reason. You hurt me; but changed me. You showed me that I am allowed to open up to someone and let them in. You taught me that not everyone is here to hurt me, and for once actually wanting me to achieve all of my goals. I think this part is more of an apology for not letting you more into my life but maybe there was a reason for that. You did fight but I just wasn’t willing to share my demons with you. Goodbyes were such a routine for me and I never imagined that someone actually wanted to come into my crazy world. Just thank you for showing me that next time I should be willing to let the ones fighting for me into my crazy world regardless of my past. I do though have one question for you “Ready for Squats tomorrow?”

You guys were all so different but you all showed me that even though love is a wonderful thing that sometimes it has to end horribly but it can change people for the better. So with that I want to say, thank you again.