Dear Ex-Best Friend,
Finally I grew to terms of knowing that things between you and I will never be the same. I know that I'll never be able to call you and speak of the various things that are going on in my life and the troubles that I've unwillingly dealt with since you left my side. Every time I see your number in my phone that I never deleted, I begin to reminisce on the last conversations we had before our friendship had met its inevitable end. Looking at those digits remind me of the last messages we had sent each other. The ones were you told me that "you needed time" or, in other words, goodbye.
What haunts my thoughts is the reoccurring question; did it even hurt when you left me? I always tend to look back and reevaluate that it didn't hurt you at all to just put a brisk stop to our years of friendship. In my mind, I never could of imagined doing that to you after claiming we had this unbreakable bond for so long. I never could think that I could drop my own sister-- growing up together, always being there for one another, hand-in-hand tackling life's metaphorical obstructions with ease. With each other in the prime of our wonderful bond, we were practically determined to live life happily together as best friends.
I remember messaging you days, weeks, and even sporadically months after our quarrel and you looking at the messages on Facebook without giving the time of day to respond. That hurt a lot, yet coping from the loss of a friend at that point was the only thing I could do. Now that I look back towards the end of our association with each other, I can now acknowledge you have changed from the girl that I once knew. The girl that sat around her room drawing and listening to Panic! At The Disco albums on repeat, and whom was one of the closest individuals that I had at that time. The one that was practically a sibling to me.
It saddens me to remember how young we were and how we had so many plans we were eagerly waiting to fulfill. I remember us talking about being roommates one day, dreaming about going through the struggles and experiences of college together. Well, we are both seniors in high school now, college is just around the corner. We will both be going to our selected schools without accompanying one another in our college endeavors.
I really wish I could spend time with you again just like old times. Doing random things we would get entertained by. Like watching our favorite YouTube videos on your old, silver laptop or talking about the things that bothered us and plans for our bright futures. Its sad to think back and realize that at one time in our lives, we were a package deal. Now we are a severed package that needs work that it will never receive.
Even if we were to rekindle the fire that lit our friendship, I know things will have even greater imperfections than before. Such as lack of trust and a sort of melancholy feeling when we are around one another. Honestly, I rather sit here remembering the good times in silent anguish than try to alleviate the inner cries for my friend that I no longer have. Besides, we have both grown immensely within the past two years. We have different lives now than we had before. Yet, I still wish you the best and hope that if you ever turn into the old you, you may come back and resume the friendship that you willingly paused.
In Remembrance,
Your Old Friend
