Dear Ex-Best Friend,
I know it's been a couple of years but I want you to know I still occasionally think about you. I often think about the good times where we couldn't stop laughing and wonder why our friendship ended the way it did.
You were my absolute best friend and I know I will never have a friendship like ours ever again. It was innocent and supportive at first but it turned toxic. I enjoyed our friendship except for when it felt like I was never good enough for you. I would pick you over anyone else but it seemed like I wasn't that person for you. You had more important people in your life than me and I understand that. I wish that instead of treating me the way you did, you would have just been honest with what you were feeling.
I don't hold anything against you. As much as I tell myself to hate you for what you turned me into its not true. If anything you caused me to become this strong, confident, headstrong person I am today. But I would do anything to just get one more hug from you, have a jam session, or a moment of us screaming at each other over skype while playing Minecraft. Part of me knows that isn't you anymore, that person I once knew is gone and I will never see that you again.
I want you to know that while you were changing so was I. I don't trust people easily anymore. I get self-conscious around my friends because I'm afraid that they will think what you thought of me. I stopped expressing who I was because I didn't know how to not be the person that you made me become. I was broken for a long time until I decided that nothing was going to change until I did. I'm not the same person I once was because of the emotional trauma that our friendship put me through.
I'm grateful for the times we did have together and the good memories like when we would run around interviewing people as kids and we were just happy. I wish I could get that time back or even just that certain feeling of happiness and support from the beginning of that friendship. Whenever I think back on these last four years you're in almost every memory good or bad you were there. You made me who I am today and I'm grateful for that.
I've thought about reaching out multiple times but I quickly remember that we aren't the innocent 12-year-olds that we were. Choosing to end that friendship was the hardest decision I have ever made. Sometimes I regret making that decision but then I think about everything I've learned since then and what I've gained from that experience. In the end, I hope you know that I will still care for you no matter how much I tell myself to dislike you. I will always cheer you on from the sidelines and wish you a happy birthday.
Your Ex-Best Friend.