I know you’re probably nodding along as you read this, thinking it’s not going to be anything you haven’t heard before. But I’m here to tell you that I’ve heard it all too, and I know that the positive, well-intentioned “It all works out in the end’s” and “You have to focus on the positive’s” don’t help as much as they should. If they were, there would be a lot less people as anxious and worried as we are.

The thing is, when people tell us those things, it doesn’t make a difference because as a young, self-seeking young adult, you have to WANT to overcome the impossible. You have to WANT to be able to keep your head up when you pass someone who has done you wrong. You have to WANT to be able to raise your hand in class, and you have to WANT to know how to be the best you you can be. Most of all, you have to want to accept the help others are willing to give you.

1. To start off, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

It may be hard to believe, but you are not crazy, nor irrational, nor are you any less important than any other human being. Crazy, right? And that pimple in the middle of your forehead? No, the cute guy didn’t notice. The “stupid” answer you just gave in class? No one remembers it, and it wasn’t stupid. That girl who won’t stop talking behind your back? Her own insecurities are hiding behind all the gossip.

2. It’s not your fault.

The constant worrying and second guessing does not mean something is wrong with you; it means you’re human. I promise it is natural to feel these things. So stop telling yourself that there must be something wrong with you because the guy you’ve been talking to never answered your text. For God’s sake, I’m asking my best friend right now if what I’ve written so far sounds stupid.

3. Don’t go out of your way to make sure someone is still in your life, when they aren’t making the conscious effort to stay in it.

‘Cause guess what? After you’ve made the decision that you want to do all of the things I mentioned already, then it’s time to put it in action. Learn who you can and can’t trust, and don’t justify the wrong things people do to you. You do not need anyone bringing you down, no matter who they are or how long they have been in your life. It will be hard, and at first it will seem impossible. But once it’s done, it will feel like a giant weight lifted off your shoulders. Your true friends are the ones who you don’t have to worry with. You can tell them anything without worrying that you’re talking about something too much, and they’re the ones you want to be there for with nothing in return. And you would do the same for them.

4. In the end, no matter what, some people are going to judge you and they will try to tear you down.

I guarantee it. However, this is how you’re going to become stronger. Once you stop caring what other people think, you’re going to be a whole lot happier. This is what it all comes down to- YOU are the only one that can tear yourself down. One of my favorite quotes is “anyone could pilot a ship when the sea is calm.” Be the one that can sail through any storm. When you’re being torn down, see it as a challenge to persevere through, not an obstacle to get around.

In the end, life’s like a Jenga game. Things might get a little faulty and everything might come tumbling down once in a while, and it might seem like the game is over. But what matters most is that you let the people around you pick up the pieces and help you build your tower to be stronger than it ever was before. Leaning on others for help doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means that whatever choices you’ve made until this point were the right ones, if it led you to them.

Sincerely,

Someone who understands