Dear Stranger,
You were always a whirlwind to me; I guess you were more of a tornado- maybe not as destructive, but you whisked in, left your mark and as quickly as you were there, you were gone. I was young, and I thought you were out saving lives, or being a hero, and that's why you were never there, I idolized you... I didn't know you, but nobody was better than you were. Nobody. I was six, what did I know? It took me a very, very long time for me to finally see things differently, but I'm an adult now... So thank you.
Yes, I said thank you. Throughout my life, you were always there. I think of it as a Birthday Party. You were the one in the corner of the next room on your phone; There, but not there. Thank you for forcing a relationship with my single-mother, which is stronger than most parental relationships I've ever encountered. Your absence made us the greatest, and most effective team that we could be.
I used to hate you. I really did. Not that I understand your choices, but I get it. You did what you did for your own reasons, at the emotional expense of others, and I respect that choice. I don't forgive you- but I no longer hate you. Even though you left, you still found something, and I think that's what makes me okay with how our relationship has developed. You may not be my parent, but you turned into a parent, and a damn good one at that.
I used to think that one day, I was going to have you at my disposal, a phone-call away, a minute or two up the road. I thought that we were going to bump into each other one day, and just pick up where we left off, but I guess the distance prevented that. Maybe it's a good thing there was distance. It let me grow, learn and move on.
I went from a hopeful child, to an angry teenager, to an adult understanding and mildly apathetic. I tried to understand and sympathize, I even tried justifying your decision. But it's okay now. I'm now an adult, I'm starting my own life, and I understand that you're only a small sliver of that. You know, I see you in myself sometimes: my laugh, my crude and dry sense of humor, even that scrunchy face I make when somebody says something stupid. In fact, you're much of me, and I tried for so long to change that. I've decided that I'm embracing it. Your absence, your selfishness, your humor, your laugh, your quirks, all of it.
Thank you. We may not have a relationship, but I realize that you've done more for me than I used to think. Because of you, I was molded into the Man that I am today. Though I started as a callous individual, I finally blossomed into a young man who knew what he wanted to be, and who he didn't want to be like. You're a bit of both, and I value that knowledge I've come to know. You gave me the chance to discover my own self-worth, and put me in a position to have confidence in my own trust issues- to question everything until un-fallible proof is presented. Thank you for allowing room for the best parent I could ever imagine to step in, step up, and take charge. Thank you for being the best parent you could be, even if it wasn't in my life. Thank you for instilling in me, the desire to grow myself without outside validation.
I am an amazing human-being, an even better friend, and, against all odds, a loving and caring partner. I'm sad that you will never truly know who I am, but at the end of the day- I won't know you either. We are two people who keep brushing past each other, strangers, and I think I'm finally okay with this. It's your loss.
I hope life is well, and treats you kind. I don't hold any ill-thoughts, or disrespect, because though you're not my parent, you are someone else's, and they really hit the lottery with that.
Sincerely,
Your stranger
