An Open Letter to Potential Mothers

Hey Lady-

I know that little strip turned blue, or two lines showed up, or whatever and I know you are terrified. I know that this is 2017 and you're lucky enough to have options. What I hope is that you are lucky enough to know that all of your options are fine. None of them are easy, but whatever you choose is okay. I know from experience. I know because I have chosen all three major options in regards to motherhood. Let me just ease your mind real quick and maybe freak you out a little too.

If you choose to become a mom, your kid will drive you fucking crazy. You will not sleep for five years. It will shit on you. It will cry a lot. It will change your body and you will have moments where you actually look it in the face and say, "go the fuck away," but your child will also smile at you. Babies are hella cute, too. They hold onto your fingers and they smell amazing. As they get bigger, you will take pride in the personality of the little human you created. It's shitty a lot of the time. I love my kids, but sometimes being responsible for them sucks. They will do all kinds of weird shit that you enjoy telling stories about and sometimes you will just watch them sleep. It's a fucking trip looking at the piece of you that you are going to leave behind someday, even when you want to punch them in the face. Wait til that baby turns 9 and makes up its own jokes. You will legitimately think you created a genius when it learns to tie its own shoes or reads you its first word

If you choose to terminate your pregnancy, it will be emotional. You will have pain. There will be a lot of blood. There will be a day or two when you feel an emptiness that I can't even describe. You will physically empty and emotionally vacant. You will experience physical and emotional damage. But, if you have a good support system and good reasons for making that choice, you will feel empowered. You will probably wake up one day and know for a fucking fact that you made the right decision. Someday, you will sit with another woman and you will shout your abortion from the rooftops as one of the most responsible, emotionally mature decisions you have ever made. You will go on to live your life and do the things on your bucket list. You will go on to someday be a mother, if that's what you want, just like I did. The important thing is that you don't have to be a mom unless you want to or until you're ready. No one should ever have to be a parent if they don't want to. I promise you, from bitter experience, that you will be a better mom when you actually want to be a mom. Moms who never really wanted it turn into the type of moms that they make really ghetto memes about.

If you choose to create a life but not to actually parent, that's cool too. I've done it. I gave birth to a child who is being lovingly raised by two people who were able to give her a better life than I was. Out of all three options, this one was by far the hardest and has, by far, the longest reaching emotional consequences. I won't sugarcoat it, maybe you think abortion would be more damaging, but in my case that is absolutely false. Be prepared to carry something, to love it, to fight loving it, to set eyes on it and feel desperate for it, and then to lovingly let it go. And be prepared to continue to long for it because you know it's out there in the world. Be prepared to violently defend your decision to people who think that they're better than you because they struggle to raise their children. Be prepared to spend that baby's birthday every year feeling intensely lonely and longing. Anticipate that the adoptive family will send you pictures and updates that will instill in you a sense of pride and a sense of confidence. Know that you are doing the bravest thing that you will ever do, something completely selfless, because being a birth mother has little benefit to you. The only upside is that someday, maybe, you will have a relationship with that child. There is hope in knowing that he or she is out there. And if, by chance, this is the path you choose, get counseling. Set yourself up for wellness, because it is a long road. You will be a hero, you will know you did the right thing, but you will pay the price absolutely.

Just know, that no matter what, the choice is yours. Each option comes with good. It comes with bad. They are all bittersweet. Your mettle will be tested. You will come out a warrior. You are probably already tougher than hell, but you have no idea just how fierce you can be until you have lived any one of these options. Take a second and breathe through it, because this decision is about you. This decision is about what is best for you. Let me say it again, slowly, THIS...IS...YOUR...CHOICE. Its a heavy choice, indeed, but there is more to you than what you decide and there always will be.

Love,

Molly

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