To Whom It May Concern,
If you are reading this then perhaps you know someone who has struggled, maybe they’ve struggled with housing, grades, mental illness, or family issues (divorce, loss of a loved one, etc). As someone who has struggled with many of these things as well as someone who has many friends who have dealt with these struggles, allow me to give you some advice.
First, if these things happen to you, you must take a moment to evaluate yourself, not those around you, not those in your family or friend group, and certainly not the person who caused you the issue. Self-evaluation serves a very important purpose, there is no way to make steps forward without knowing where to go, otherwise you will get dizzy, you could spend hours, days, weeks, trying to blame others but it will get you nowhere. The best thing to do is to look at what you can do to help yourself and work from there.
Knowing what steps you need to take for your own mental and physical health is the most important. Take whatever steps you need, focus on yourself, take care of you and your own needs and from there decide what you want to do. If you must make changes in your life start small, cutting out anything cold turkey (unless it’s a toxic person in your life) can be very hard. If nothing needs to be changed and you must face a fear or a challenge, do it in your own time, take deep breaths, don’t rush yourself, just do the things you need to be where you want to go.
Second and most importantly, if you know someone who is facing a challenge in their life right now, DO NOT tell them to “buck up” or “roll with the punches” not only will you be invalidating their feelings but you’ll be perpetuating the norms that someone’s problems can be solved by just cheering up. The best thing you can do for a friend in need is to be a friend to them. Offer support, even if it is just a text to say that you are sending them good vibes or thinking of them. If there is anything you can directly do to help a friend in need do it. If it’s providing a ride to the bank or auto garage, do it. If you can offer a friend facing homelessness your couch, do it.
You don’t need to go out of your way to be helpful to someone and don’t let your ego control your choices. Don’t do something because you know someone will be in your debt or feel like you are some great knight in shining armor coming to their rescue. You do something nice for someone in need because it’s the nice thing to do not because it will get you praise.
Whether you are struggling, know someone who is struggling, or both all at once. The things you must do have to do with who you are as a person. Be the help someone needs or leave them alone to figure it out on their own.
Best regards,
A person who has been both.
