I’d like to ask you why I suddenly mean nothing to you after nearly 15 years of friendship, but I wont. I’d like to ask you what I did wrong, but I wont. I’d like to tell you that I understand, but I don’t. part of me wants an explanation for how we went from being inseparable to being strangers, but it wouldn’t mean anything now anyways.
You were my best friend, my sister, not by blood but by heart, and you were one of the few people who knew me better than I knew myself, but not anymore. We act like strangers toward each other, rather, just you do toward me. I wish I knew why, but it doesn’t matter. Maybe its that you’re too busy with your job, or family, or boyfriend. Maybe its that you hate my boyfriend, even though you hated him when you secretly set us up. Maybe all along you were my friend, but I wasn’t yours.
It hurts more than you know for me to look back at our years of friendship and realize that there’s no way that it could have meant anything to you. It couldn’t have if it was so easy to leave me in the dust. I find myself thinking back to plans we made ages ago, about someday getting an apartment together, someday being each others maid of honor. That was until I found out you got engaged only by seeing it posted on social media.
It hurts to think that we went from talking everyday to only talking when there was bad news. For instance, when the first time in a year I’d heard from you was when my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer, and you felt obligated to message me and act supportive.
It hurts to feel like I have no close friends because the one that meant the most to be isn’t there for me anymore. We grew up together, and every story from high school includes you, but now I see you every once in a year or so at my work and you act as though we’ve never met.
Well, I’m tired of feeling hurt. In tired of wondering if I did something wrong, and if I did, what did I do. I’m tired of feeling alone because we aren’t friends anymore. So, I’m finally saying I’m done. I’m letting go. If you want to treat me like we’re strangers, then that’s what we’ll be.
I hope you live a good life and get all you deserve. If I see you around someday, I’ll wave or say hello, and then continue on my way. I almost hope you feel a touch of what I’ve felt these last two years.
See you around.
