Dear Younger April,
I know you never would have thought that you would be where you are today: learning how to make decisions and how to follow your informed conscience in theology class. Instead, you were thinking about what other people thought of you and how you could be just like those lemmings you tried to impress every day. You wasted your precious, valuable time changing and rearranging your life to fit those whom you never even liked nor wanted to be friends with in the first place. You wasted even more time crying about how you never succeeded in doing so. You let yourself fall into countless moral traps because you were obsessed with trying to fit in. Now, this is yourself in the present day giving you the reality of what you called “trauma.”
I remember specifically how you abused your body within those few weeks of not eating because you wanted to be skinny. I remember sitting in that health class learning about the dangers of eating disorders and you refused to listen because you knew, or should I say “thought,” that everyone was “not eating” because they thought eating was “gross.” You felt so out of place because you, yourself, liked eating certain foods. But everyone around you was so obsessed with eating healthy or not even eating at all! You also thought not eating would be a plus to your modeling career and to get boys to like you. I am here, today, to tell you that you are an idiot. Did you really think that would benefit you in any way? How could you have let you obsession of going along with the crowd result in harming both your physical and mental health?
If I, myself, had known then what I know now, I would have told you this: just because something is considered “common,” that does not mean that is the right thing to do. And, just because you are not hurting another person, that also does not mean you are taking the right action. Your thoughtless, careless, eighth grade mind may have thought this was harmless. But in reality, you were harming yourself. The whole “it’s my body; it’s my business” mania does not do well for anybody, especially not the “moral fabric of society.” Why profane the body God gave you initially? In addition, the “going along with the crowd” fad does not and did not make you very happy, either. I am so glad that you did not let that behavior continue any longer because it could have led to more serious consequences.
You should be very proud of yourself now, April. Now, whenever you hear anyone making jokes or any comment of some sort about eating disorders, you are not the least bit afraid of expressing your opinion against them. You do not accost the issue fully, but you express your unpopular concern out of care for human beings because they were made in God’s image. You were made in God’s image, as well. Your conscience is the “final arbiter.” Your decisions are much stronger now due to the knowledge you have obtained from your past. And, you are so much healthier now than you were in those few weeks – physically and spiritually. I know now to never go back to those dark and gloomy few weeks in eighth grade. Thank you for teaching me what it means to follow my informed conscience.
Sincerely,
Older and Wiser April
