An Open Letter To My Negativity

An Open Letter To My Negativity

You have gotten the best of me.
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"You're fat."

I take one look in the mirror and I grab my hips. Where did all of this come from? Is this the freshman fifteen? More like the freshman fifty. I read a magazine. It tells me how I can lose weight, and fast. I want to do that. I need to go to the gym. I need to look like her. Why can't I look like her? Why can't I wear that? Why don't I look like I did when I was 16? She's so beautiful. She must have so many people that love her. She's so lucky. Why can't I be lucky? I pull at my thighs. These things don't fit into anything. I want a thigh gap. I'll do whatever it takes to get that. Whatever it takes.

"You're ugly."

I look in the mirror again. I need makeup on my face. I can't go out looking like this. What if people see me? What if people see what I naturally look like? I wasn't made pretty enough. I look at my friends. They're all so beautiful. They're all so confident. Why can't I be as pretty as her? Why can't I look like that?

"You aren't good enough."

I got a bad grade. I should have studied more. I should have applied myself better. Why am I so stupid? I look to the girl next to me, she got a better grade. Why can't I be as smart as her? I'm not going to make anyone proud. I'm going to fail. Everyone is going to be disappointed in me. Why can't I be smart?

Dear My Negativity,

You have gotten the best of me. I won't let this happen again. The amount of effort that I put in to everything I do will not let you win. Not again. I know what I need to do. I know how I need to improve. I will take you and mold you into an experience. This is not the end.

You have not destroyed me. This feeling is not permanent. You made me feel low, but I'm finding myself. I'm figuring these things out. I'm growing stronger. That's all you've made me do. Day by day, I'm turning into the person that I'm meant to be. I'm learning to love myself.

All of these bad days are going to be worth it. All of the bad will make the good taste so much sweeter. All of the bad thoughts are going to fade and I'm going to be able to say I made it far away from that bad place. One day it'll be worth it. One day.

I will learn how to look in the mirror and love the reflection I see, even when I didn't have time to go to the gym or eat a healthy meal. I will learn to love how I look without concealing it with my artwork. I will learn that each failure is a stepping stone. Failing is a learning experience.

I am beautiful.

I am smart.

I love myself.

You have not won.

Cover Image Credit: storify

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.

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Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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It's 2019, Can We Stop Talking About Women's Bodies

With all of our problems in the world, why do we still body shame women.

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I'm sure you've heard everything! I'm sure you've heard the screams of women over analyzing the media for shaming our bodies. While there is shaming in the media, our bodies shouldn't be the focus of our world now. Our society is going through some major problems that our beauty and vanity shouldn't be the forefront of everything we see. Women have been expected to look a certain way since the dawn of our conception. I feel like our health, life and political standing are more important than the color that should be on the lips and cheeks of our face. I'd rather be able to go to the doctor without fear of not being heard then learn how to contour my face into oblivion.

Growing up, I had both skinny and plus-sized girlfriends. Did I have that toxic mindset that they were better than me because they were either skinnier than I or had better breast and butt sizes, yes I did and I hate myself for it. I was the troll back in the Myspace days telling skinny girls to eat a cheeseburger and the plus sized girls that they need to eat more salad. Looking back, I was a terrible human to my own gender. I was that normal sized girl (by today's standards) with some fat to keep me warm in the winter (nonexistent in FLORIDA). I also had my friends that would troll other girls because of their own insecurities and jealousy. That is not how we should treat other girls.

The fact that we have more rights and positions then we've had over the past 100 years and we still feel the need to judge ourselves and others still makes us primitive. Throughout history, women have been regarded as either property or as goddesses. Us being goddesses needs to make a comeback. I'm so thankful that we are considering ourselves goddesses because that will inspire girls to do whatever they want. Nowadays girls are learning traditionally male careers at an early age and that's a great step towards equality.

Women shouldn't be known for their bodies and should be known for our accomplishments. Body shaming is archaic and has no position in today's society. Just because a woman wears a size 00 or 22, it doesn't limit our capabilities. A woman wearing a 00 can accomplish learning computer code as same as a woman wearing a size 18. Women's sizing also isn't regulated because a size 12 can be the same as a size 14 in different brands.

If we are going to be continued to be known for our bodies, it looks like we need to stand up for our health. To be able to have a safe abortion, a judge-free hysterectomy or mastectomy would do our world a lot of good. I would rather have a woman get the right healthcare SAFELY then hear about another woman dying because of medical malpractice due to an under the table procedure. Our bodies have every right to have a necessary or wanted procedure to help us feel healthy in both body and mind. For those who continue to judge...It's none of your business.
So ladies...
.

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you are capable, creative, intelligent, beautiful and WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BE!

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