Dear first love, you really opened my eyes to the world. I am so blessed that you came into my life as well as left it. And then entered and left again. You taught me life lessons like how to be truly happy, how to love yourself, and most importantly how to love someone with every bone in your whole body. You also taught me heartbreak, which is one of the hardest lessons I've ever had to learn.
When you entered my life you showed me true happiness. You showed me that someone could love the goofy, nerdy person that I am. You made me feel safe whenever I was with you. You were my safe haven. A place where there was no judgement or boundaries. A place where love grew and many laughs and smiles were shared. Those memories mean more to me than you will ever know and I am forever grateful for them. You showed me how to live freely with no regrets. Thank you for showing me how happy a person can really be.
When you entered my life you showed me how to love myself. It's hard to be your own person sometimes when you are surrounded by so many other people who influence your decisions and personality. Of course, you did partly shape me into the person I am today but you encouraged me to go out of my comfort zone and really find out who I was meant to be. You taught me that other people's opinions do not matter and that as long as your happy nothing else matters. I learned to love myself because you loved me. You thought I was pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough, and many more things. Being enough for you was enough for me to believe in myself. Enough for me to love myself for who I am and to be happy with the person that I have turned out to be. Thank you for teaching me how to love myself.
When you entered my life you taught me how to love someone with every bone in your body. This is my favorite lesson that you taught me. I knew how to love my mother and my brother, I knew how to love the family dog, but loving you was so much more than that. Our love was the kind of love that did not even feel real sometimes. This love was the love that was your typical "relationship goals" post on Facebook. It was one where you would look at pictures and think "wow, they're really meant to be". You taught me that there is a type of love that can give your entire body a rush, a love that would make your lips tingle when you kissed, a love you never thought existed, a love you never want to end. Thank you for teaching me how to love a person that much.
When you left the first time I pushed you away. That was my fault. I was being young and stupid and thought that it would be easier to handle everything on my own instead of leaning on you for help. This breakup hurt me just as much as it hurt you. I am so sorry for all the hurt I caused you back then.
When you left the second time you left on your own. I did not push you away, in fact, I wanted nothing more than for you to change you mind and stay. But you didn't. This one hurt more than the first and I'm not entirely sure why. My guess is that I just wasn't ready to lose you so quickly. We stopped talking and the deadening silence only made me feel more alone than ever before. It felt like someone had taken a newly sharpened knife and jabbed it into my chest. It felt like the walls of a house were caving on my perfect life. But, time has gone one and I've overcome the heartache. I don't cry whenever I hear your name anymore and I can now comfortably talk about our past and what we had. So, thank you. Thank you for giving me the pleasure of overcoming this heartbreak. It has made me stronger than ever before.
But most of all, thank you for letting me have the pleasure of being able to say that, at one point, you were the love of my life.
