You may think that you know what the word introvert means. You may think that it means we need to be alone all the time, that we suffer crippling social anxiety in every social situation; that we are too shy to raise our hands in class or chime into a discussion. Some or all of these assumptions may be true for a particular person, but this is not really what it means to be an introvert. Being an introvert simply means that we draw our energy from being alone.

I like to think of energy almost as a monetary exchange: I get energy by being alone, and I "spend" it on social interactions. This doesn't mean that I dislike social interactions, in the same way that I wouldn't dislike taking a trip to Europe just because it costs a lot of money to get there.

What this means for you as my friend is that sometimes I just can't hang out with you. It's not that I don't want to, I just don't have the energy. I may not have "saved up" enough for impromptu plans, or I may have to cancel plans because there was an emergency and I had to "spend" more energy than expected. And just because you consider an activity a "quiet night in" doesn't mean that it won't be draining for me. Sometimes I need to watch that new episode of "Game of Thrones" on my own with just a bowl of ramen for company. There are times when just being in the same room as another person requires me to use energy.

I don't want you to feel like I'm ignoring your texts, but I really do need to cut myself off from social interaction in order to recharge. If I open a message and don't respond please don't be offended, and don't take signs of me liking things on Facebook as evidence that I'm ignoring you. There really isn't much interaction in such uses of social media, as opposed to an actual conversation either virtually or in person. I ask you to trust me, and trust that I am doing what I need to for myself.

This may be the hardest thing in this letter to understand, but some people simply take less energy to be around. This doesn't mean I value their friendship any more than I do yours, but for some reason or another they are easier for me to spend time with. Please don't be upset with me for choosing to watch a movie with another friend instead of studying with you. I appreciate your friendship and your efforts to keep me in your life. I promise that I will save my energy and make time to spend with you, I just ask that you understand that sometimes I need to be around somebody else.

Lastly, please don't invite yourself in. My room is my safe space, the place that I go when I need to recharge. Respect that and ask before you just come in and sit on my bed.

I'm sorry if this all sounds selfish and rude. I want to include you in my life, and I intend to do so, just maybe not in the way that you're used to. You're my friend and I really do want to keep it that way.