Dear Ex-Best Friend,
Never in my life did I think I would address you as that, but here we are. It’s been a while since we talked last. I just wanted to say I miss you quite a lot, but I know you probably don’t care. (Though, part of me still hopes you do.)
I wish things hadn’t ended between us. Not the way they did, at least. I still don’t exactly know what happened. But we can’t change the past, and our "never-ending" friendship is gone. I can't believe it's been six months since everything changed.
I also want to take a second to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry I pushed you away. I’m sorry you might have to answer questions about how I’m doing to our old friends. I’m sorry I call someone else my best friend now – I think you’d like her though. I’m sorry I made you responsible for all of my secrets. I’m sorry I cared too much and didn’t know how to show it. I’m sorry we aren’t fulfilling all of our plans and promises. And I’m sorry this is weird. But, us not being friends is weird.
But, I want to thank you, too. I want to thank you for letting me get to know you. For letting me call you my best friend for so many years. For keeping my secrets no matter what. For telling me what I needed to hear, when I needed to hear it even if it wasn’t easy. For all of the memories we share and all of the embarrassing photos. Thank you for being my other half for all of those years. For the laughs, the support, the tears and the joy.
Just last year, we talked about you visiting my dorm on the weekends. I could never imagine a time in our lives that you wouldn’t be by my side forever, that our plans for the future would become a distant memory.
I'm so proud of you for graduating and getting into your dream school like we talked about. And I hope your family is doing well, too. I still hope you’re doing well because despite everything we’ve been through, you deserve it. You deserve to be loved and to be happy.
I will always keep up-to-date on your life. I will read your tweets, stalk your Instagram and ask our friends about you. Because for me, our friendship is a memory, and the fact you’re still the same adorable and crazy person I was friends with in my awkward middle and high school years makes me happy.
Now, just because we aren’t best friends anymore doesn’t mean I hate you. Read that again. Just because we aren’t best friends anymore doesn’t mean I hate you. In fact, because we were best friends, I love you a lot and always will. And when I run into you down the road some time because I’m back home for whatever reason, we will be happy to see each other. We will probably hug and exchange very awkward conversation about how you didn’t know I was in town and small talk about how our lives are going right now. Heck, we might even talk about getting coffee (and never follow through with those plans).
I look forward to this anyways because I will get to see your smile. The smile that brightens up every room you walked in. And I will get to hear about all of the amazing things you’ve done since we stopped talking. For a brief moment neither of us will remember why we even stopped being friends in the first place. Most of all, I look forward to hearing that you’re happy.
So just know, I’m not mad at you. I’m not hurt over your disappearing act. I don’t blame you for leaving me during such a dark time. I understand it must have been what you needed to do at the time for yourself.
I wish you all the best and all the happiness in the world.
I love you to the moon and back.
Sincerely,
Your Ex-Best Friend
