To my ex-best friend,
I've started this many times, only to have deleted it and restart over and over. I can't seem to get this right.
I know you probably won't ever read this and if you do you wouldn't believe a word I said. But I still care. Our friendship ended for many reasons. Whether you want to accept it or not, there were many unhealthy aspects to our friendship. It wasn't always two sided and fair.
We've traveled together, we've laughed together, and we've cried together. Well, it seems we're crying apart now. Our friendship wasn't supposed to last and I've come to accept that. Our friendship helped us through a lot and in the end taught us a lot. However, there was no longer any room for us to grow from it. It had served its purpose.
I still look back on our memories. I regret none of it. I do regret not sticking up for myself and feelings a few times. However, it's made me who I am today and I'm pretty happy with that. I never meant to hurt you. I want you to know that. Never. I was finally trying to put myself first. Don't think it was easy. Because it was far from it. I hated myself more than I had ever before. To this day it isn't easy. You, of all people, should know my life has been far from easy. Everyone has their struggles. Yet no one should use their struggles against them and you did. I'm not trying to place blame, because I know I am the reason the friendship ended. Yet every time you have needed me - called and hung up or said it was an 'accident' - I was still there. After every subtweet, hate message, personal matter used against me, everything. I was still there. I always will be.
I know you don't owe me anything, but do me a favor, don't pretend I'm this evil person who has always been a bad friend. Stop pretending that I'm going after you. That was never my mission. Just stop. All of your secrets are safe with me. Because at one point in life we were each other's everything. I know you hate me and as it seems so far, you always will. But just know, I will always be here for you. I still have all of our pictures, saved and stored in boxes.
One day I'll have kids of my own and I'll tell them of our stories- of all the good times we shared. When they ask what happened. I'll tell them I ruined the friendship but that the friend was strong enough without me. That maybe one day the friends talked again, civilly and in a mature manner. Because not a day passes that I haven't thought about you and hoped that you're doing well. I wish you the best ex-best friend. I really do. I love you and want you to know you are strong, beautiful, smart, and you have many people who care about you. Don't ever forget that.
Goodbye, or until the next call I receive.
