An Open Letter To My Best Friend's Ex-Boyfriend
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An Open Letter To My Best Friend's Ex-Boyfriend

You never deserved the goddess she is.

An Open Letter To My Best Friend's Ex-Boyfriend
Personal Photo: Bobba Fatt

(I put the picture of my rat because I want you to know I'm going to let him bite you if you ever come near my best friend again.)

First things first, my best friend is a goddamn goddess in her own right, and you are pond scum. She's generous, hard working, amazing at what she does, is one of the top students in her class, and is gorgeous. You are none of those things. I'd call you a dingbat but that's insulting to dingbats.

You never deserved her.

Wait, what's that? Are you mad at me for telling my amazing BFF she's better than you? Too bad – it's the truth. Actually, you are literally lower than pond scum. I would rather chew gum off the sidewalk than listen to another one of your sob stories. You think you're so much better than everyone because you can play guitar and sweet talk women. You're the worst thing I've ever met. You're a child. I don't care if you're turning 21 or 67 tomorrow, you are still a child. You will never grow up.

You dragged my best friend to such a low place that I will never forgive you for it. She might let you into her life but trust me, anytime you come around I'll be there, rifle in hand, waiting for you to step out of line. Since I clearly couldn't trust you with her emotional well-being, it's time I took her back from you. You're officially banned from her life. I don't care if you're older than me, have a better car, a better job, or whatever you think makes you so god damn special but trust me, honey, if it came down to you and me, your ex-girl is mine.

Her mom hates you as much as I do. I'd say more, but her mom is a little less likely to attack you in a public setting.

What you did, all the lies, games, abuse, manipulation, pressure, everything, was not OK. You literally watched an abusive couple interact and said "wow I'd love to kick that guy" and then went and did it anyway. You hurt my best friend. That girl is my god damn sister. We've grown up together, we've done everything together, and yet when you came around I never got to see her? Oh yeah, that's right, you didn't like me hanging around because that meant someone was going to call you on your bullshit. Well, guess what, I'm doing it publicly now. Fuck you. I'd put your name but you're not worth the keyboard clicks. I'm sure you've figured it out by now that this is to you. If you haven't keep reading.

You broke down the emotional well-being of the most perfect person in my life and expect to get away with it? No, not happening. You need to take your sorry ass somewhere else because you are never going to see my best friend again. I will personally write up the restraining order, notarize it, and assign a cop to stick outside her house every night in case you ever decided to try testing my patients and attempt to speak to her again. Stay away from my precious rock, and I'll keep away from you. Just know I'll be lurking if you ever try to talk to her again. You are a succubus of shit and I hate you.

Yours truly, with a lot of hatred and bad intentions attached,

Your ex-girlfriend's best friend.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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