To my anxiety:
For years I have let you run my life. I was afraid to go into crowded places, nervous to walk into class late, afraid to sit and take a test. You prevented me from doing the things a normal teenager was able to do; but that stops today. This is when I decide to put my foot down because I've decided that you are no longer able to control me.
No longer will I be afraid to do the things that people my age are supposed to do. You will not be the reason I can't get behind the wheel of a car, you will not be the reason I can't attend a concert, and you will not be the reason I can't walk in somewhere because I'm afraid everyone will judge me. There is no reason to be afraid of these things. Yes sometimes it's scary to drive, or be in a room thats probably over-occupancy, or to be judged by strangers...but bad things can happen anywhere! I am missing out on some of the greatest parts of my youth because you've made me so afraid. I can't continue to live like that.
I will not listen to you in the back of my mind telling me that absolutely everyone hates me, or that my boyfriend doesn't love me, or I should worry about the impossible. You can no longer cause me to feel inadequate about myself, or that I'm the least liked person in the room. I should not isolate myself from the people I love because I'm afraid of what YOU have to say about them and their feelings towards me. You know the same amount of information that I do, and you can't jump to conclusions. Take what people say at face value. If my friends didn't like me, they wouldn't ask me to hang out. If my boyfriend didn't love me, he wouldn't sacrifice every free moment he has to see me or talk to me.
The worst is not always about to happen, and you need to stop making me afraid of it. Do not tell me when I leave my house that somehow my laptop charger is gonna malfunction and set the place ablaze. Do not tell me if someone hasn't answered a phone call, then the worst has happened. Maybe they're not by their phone! I can not be afraid to leave my house or people in fear of their safety every time. You are an irrational thought, and I need to stop giving in to you.
Lastly, is a small thank you. Even though you've made me afraid, you've made me angry at people who didn't deserve it, and you've prevented me from doing a lot of things that "normal" kids my age do...you've made me a stronger person. I've been able to open my eyes and see that you are not stronger than me, not today or ever. There may have been times you've made my life worse, but in the long run, you've made it better; you've made ME better. Even though you may benefit me occasionally, this is the end of the line and it's time to get help when it comes to controlling you.
Sincerely,
The rational part of me.
