Dear he-who-will-not-be-named,

I loved you with everything I had. I'm just starting off with that. Despite it all, I loved you. But unfortunately, that is often not enough.

We were both young with demons that we let get the best of us. We were never good for each other but it felt too good to stop. Until it stopped feeling so good. Until the stress, the fighting, and the tears overcame us. Until reality hit (literally). It had to happen eventually I suppose, but if I could do anything it would be to spare you of my hurt in hopes that you would spare me of yours. We shook hands with our demons instead of fighting them away; we welcomed them. That was a mistake.

I thought I could take on your problems and that you could take on mine. In reality, we couldn't even handle our own by ourselves. If someone wants to abuse drugs, you can't stop them. If someone is a player, you can't stop them from talking to other girls. If someone is aggressive, you can't make them gentle. You can't change people, but that didn't stop me from trying. I shouldn't have gotten involved, I should have read the signs and left. But again, I didn't. And you took advantage of that.

I may not have been perfect, but who is? I never stopped trying until you took it too far. Every lie you told, I forgave you. Every time you wanted to fix it, I let you. Even after the first time you laid your hands on me, I still kept trying. You remember that, don't you? I was shaking on the ground of your driveway listening to you tell me that you had done nothing wrong. And I agreed with you. I told you that it was okay, I understood, and I knew you wouldn't do it again. But of course, you did. And of course, I let you.

I allowed you to have that control over me and I couldn't be more regretful. But the day I took that control back was the best day of my life. Despite being choked in the front seat of my car and watching you try to crash it. Despite being on the ground of a shady gas station parking lot until someone finally pulled you off of me, it was the best day of my life. It was the day I became truly free. Although I cried the whole way home, I felt a relentless load finally get lifted. A year's worth of garbage was finally taken out, how liberating. So for that, I thank you.

I became a better, stronger person because of it. I'm eternally grateful for that. What I despise is the fact that while I was freed from you as a person, I wasn't freed from the way you made me feel. In fact, I was imprisoned by it. You treated me as if I was a pet you were entitled to own. My entire self-esteem was in the palm of your hand and you didn't hesitate to hold it out and clench a fist. I haven't quite been able to shake that feeling. Without even speaking to me, you have managed to slaughter any type of trust I put in anyone. You have succeeded in making me go into any sort of relationship with low standards, making it destined to end before it even starts.

I don't have the ability to fall head over heels for anyone anymore without questioning and overthinking it first. I found myself a wonderful guy and it was ruined because I couldn't help but constantly ask myself, what if he treats me the way you did? You said you loved me but you still hurt me, emotionally and physically, so what's the difference? For the past two years, you have managed to ruin any possibility of me being infinitely happy with someone else but that ends now.

I am officially cutting all ties, you no longer have the ability to control me without even trying. The day I left that gas station crying in my car, I took back control of my body. But today I am taking back control of my mind, my life. Thank you for teaching me all the lessons you did, I genuinely mean that.

Sincerely, Rachel.

P.s. I hope you make a better dad than you did a boyfriend.