Dear Grandma and Papa,
It has been one year since you invited me over to my uncle's house for an immediate family gathering on Christmas Eve. It has been one year since I walked up onto the steps of the house on a cold, Boston evening.
"Jaden, the family is really disappointed with you and your life choices and feel like it's best that you don't come in. We don't want to make anyone uncomfortable." Those words tore me apart, and I have been thinking about it, and reflecting on it all year. It has been one year since I heard your apology too. The apology that wasn't even real; it was forced, and it was fake. You don't start an apology with, "I'm sorry but..." You taught me better than that. You have no remorse for your actions, and that's what I have a problem with. To this day, you still think that I'm overreacting. You still think that what you did was okay and acceptable. Shame on you, and shame on everyone there who let it happen. It's traumatizing, and it's something I'll never forget. It's something that will come up every year around the holidays. No amount of self-care will make these feelings go away.
I will not ignore the fact that you did a lot for me growing up. I really do thank you for everything you've done. Always making sure I had clothes to start the new school year, driving me to school when I missed the bus, watching me while my father worked crazy hours to make ends meet, always making my favorite meal when I had a bad day at school, etc. It's really saddening to see how my gender identity plays such a role in your feelings towards me.
"Move on! Life is too short to hold grudges." When you make comments like that, makes me think you don't understand how heavily this affected me. For the entire month of January, I sat in my room crying, wondering what I did wrong. Wondering how you could treat your own family member like that. Every time you call me, my heart sinks to the floor. I'm extremely happy with the way my life turned out. I will never apologize for being myself.
Emotional abuse is still abuse, and to tell me constantly that I'll always be your grand-daughter is abusive. I don't even know if I should consider you family anymore. Do you even consider me family? Do you tell our extended family how I'm doing when they ask? Did you tell about my job opportunity doing something I love? Did you tell them that I got accepted into college? Or am I just the family embarrassment, because that's what I feel like. I knew we grew up in a religious household and I respect that. However, I believe the bible also says a lot about family betrayal. Timothy 5:8 states: "Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
Will I ever forgive you? I already forgave you, however, I will never forget it. I will never trust you the same way I did before. This is something that will stick around with me every holiday season for the rest of my life. I will never attend another family event again, even if invited. My heart will forever be broken by your actions, and there is no repairing that. The fact that it still hurts just as bad one year later should say enough. I hope you're happy.
Blood doesn't define a family, love does.
Sincerely,
Your Grandson Jaden.
