For the entirety of my eighteen years on this planet, one thing has held true: my desire to one day have it all. A stable job, a nice house with a white picket fence, eventually a husband and some kids running around. This has always been the “traditional” view of family life as a result of the stereotypical American dream, and I find it unsettling that it is so often pushed onto females with the statement, “well, what girl wouldn’t want that?”
As time went on, my sights set on new things. When someone asked me where I saw myself in ten years, my answer changed drastically. All I could see was myself in some scrubs and crocs, maybe studying abroad, exploring new cultures and ways of life, finding myself in the grand scheme of things and finally solidifying my purpose. I have unconsciously found my true desire, deviated from the original dream.
Although this is not to say that I do not one day want what I once pictured for myself, it is an indicator that perhaps I need to dedicate this turbulent time to something new and different. My 20s are meant to be a time of self discovery. It is important to discover myself before I discover the rest of the world; this mindset is being adopted slowly by many, and millennials especially are picturing their lives much differently than their parents, or generations before them. And this is okay.
Girls, never ever settle.
It’s okay to want a family, and it’s okay to want the white picket fence. You don’t have to give everything up for it. You can be the epitome of strength, feel fire in your veins whenever you think about your future, drop everything and go explore if you wanted to. You are built to withstand the harshest of challenges, you are completely equipped, and you have what it takes. A family can come a little later.
Get up and get a degree. Push yourself. Enter a field that is male-dominated and don’t bat an eyelash. Look into STEM fields. Wear navy blue scrubs and hold someone’s heart in your hands. Do whatever it takes to challenge yourself, and one day you will have it all. Your path will simply be different.
It hurts me when I look at the little girls in my family and remind myself that they may one day feel the pressure to have a family and settle down so young. I want them to reach for things - I don’t ever want to see their hands outstretched for anything except a diploma. I want them to build empires and shock courtrooms into silence and create art and music and force everyone to listen.
And for the day I may have a daughter in the future, I hope she grows up knowing that the world is her oyster. That there is no template for her life, that she is to decide what it is she wants out of the world rather than what it wants from her. Life is so incredibly fragile, and it is so easy to forget that when we strive for routine.
You will have plenty of time to wake up, make coffee, send the kids to school, and go to work one day - but in your young life, as a young adult, you must not forget that you are free to do anything and everything. Liberate yourself from the traditional family picture. You’ll thank yourself later.
