You probably have an answer you give when you’re asked, “where do you see yourself in 10 years?”
Think of that answer.
Are you happy with it?
Because I’m willing to bet a lot of people who actually think about their answer would find some serious cognitive dissonance within themselves; we tend to give an answer that we think others will like. That they will be pleased with. That is considered “OK” for society. But I can guarantee you that is not the answer that makes you most happy. It is not what ignites passion within, or that which will exhilarate you to live a huge, awe-inspiring life.
What you need to do is this: Defy the social clock. The social clock is a culture-specific timetable that defines when certain events in your life should occur. This includes marriage, having children, and more. It is entirely a social construction and it was made to help people feel safe and secure. To feel like they are doing something right, like they are “on track.”
But as for me and my life, I don’t necessarily want to feel safe and secure all the time, and especially not by age 30. I don’t need to settle for anything less than the absolute best. The bold and hard-to-reach dreams are at my fingertips if I believe that they are. I have too much of the world to see and experience to have the time to care for children. And I don’t think that is selfish. I think it’s practical. I don’t need to feel like I have to do what everyone else is doing. Because I was made for something greater than reducing myself to society’s expectations. No one else truly cares about how my life is going anyway, and they don’t face the consequences of my choices.
I’ll let people think I’m crazy for going off and acting young for too long. (By the way, youth is a mindset, it doesn’t have to end). In fact, I invite people to think what I am doing is outrageous. Because I refuse to make any choices in life based on what others will think of it. I choose to defy the checklist of rites of passage that are laid out before me. I don’t need to be married by 25, have kids by 27, and wonder where my life went by 35. That’s too early to tie yourself down, and to think that this is it.
I spoke with a couple in their late thirties recently and the wife had an interesting thing to say. “I’ve got the marriage, my two kids, the house, the white picket fence... what’s next?”
What’s next. Those two words. A seemingly perfect life but filled with so much doubt, so much wondering. They passed through all of these events at the perfect time, according to the social clock. So what went wrong? What made the husband say, “I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do!” but followed with a noticeable frown and a silent understanding that he knew he would be doing the same thing until he retired. How did it come to be that this was their first night out alone, just the two of them, “for the first time in who knows how long.”
If the marriage, kids, and white picket fence life is the one you desire, then, by all means, chase after it. But for me, and for most people I would argue, I should think a little bigger. Strive a little higher. And make a life that is entirely my own.
I want to see the world. I want to look back someday and be proud of what I’ve done. And most importantly, I want to smile when I think of the social clock, shattered on the floor somewhere in my beautiful memories of the past.
