An open letter to my future nieces, daughters, and the girl who let her heart break,
Don't be like me.
Don't build walls so high that no one can see how you are really feeling. Be open, be honest, and do not be afraid to be vulnerable. Don't make walls so impermeable that no one can be let in. Don't build walls so strong that it hurts like hell when they get knocked down. When it comes to using concrete or drywall, think about what is easier to repair.
Do not make a boy your world. You are your own world. You are my world. But he is not your world. It sounds cliche but there are so many other boys out there. Please believe that, even when he feels like he is the one and only.
Do not let your first kiss be with a boy who doesn't even know your last name, or let alone care what it is. Do not let it be because you want to make another boy jealous. I promise it will not make you feel any better and when you get home, you will cry in the shower for hours. It doesn't feel good. I know how you are feeling, but I promise to wait until you are ready to talk about it.
Don't stay up until two o'clock in the morning, texting the boy who constantly lies to you. You'll listen to his excuses and you will believe him for no good reason. Then the next day he will forget about your plans and follow up with another reason why he couldn't make it. You will be saying, "he is never going to change," but keep writing his name in hearts in your journal. Be stronger than that. Be strong enough to walk away.
Do not let anyone make you feel you need to change yourself. I never wanted to be the girl who partied all the time. Then everyone I associated with expected it of me. It is OK to say no. It is OK to not be like everyone else. Don't become blinded by what everyone else is doing. You will lose yourself and feel rotten until you finally get her back.
Do not wait around for him to call you. He would call if he wanted to. It hurts and it's not fair and it feels like there is no closure without a goodbye, but it hurts more to wait. You will spend every day thinking, "What if today is the day?" And you will get so caught up in your head you will forget to live.
Don't push your friends away. They will have opinions about him that you don't want to hear, that you don't believe. But what you need to know is that they will do anything for you, and just want you to see that if he really loved you, he wouldn't be treating you this way. You will make excuses, just like he does, but deep down you know they are right. Stop trying to defend the boy who won't even think about you while he's kissing the next girl.
Do not give anyone the power to determine your self-worth. He may love you today, and leave you tomorrow. If when he comes back, your happiness returns, it will just be gone when he leaves again. When you put your worth in someone else, soon you will have nothing left in you.
Do not let the fire in your eyes burn out. It should be enough to keep him warm on the coldest night, and if it's not, he isn't worth it. You shouldn't have to extinguish yourself to give him your fire.
Don't let yourself go trying to find him after he leaves. Take the time to discover who you truly and beautifully are without him. I promise there is so much more to you than the parts of you he touched and the scars he left behind.
With love,
The girl who learned to love herself without him
