Dear Crohn’s,
I know you think you control my body. You determine how I eat, when I eat, what I eat. You have an influence on my anxiety and how I spend time with friends. You have the ability to make me sit out at band and give me incredible pain during class. You even like to hurt my immune system that is supposed to be fighting you.
But you are not in charge.
I have gone through too much to let you win. The hospital visits, the medications, the doctors, the bloodwork. I have given myself shots, and now willingly go to lengthy infusions to keep you at bay. I have conquered fears and defied odds to destroy any hope you have of overtaking my control. Every day I make the conscious decision to stand strong, despite your constant push to keep me down.
I will win.
I am stronger than the problems you present. I am constantly learning new ways to combat the pain you cause. Your determination to hurt me is nothing compared to my determination to be okay. Day in and day out, I am always working for myself because you are just a fraction of who I am as a person and can never overpower the rest of my spirit. I won't allow it.
And to those who don’t understand this life,
I am so glad you don’t have to go through an invisible illness. I rejoice that you don’t struggle with the things that I do. But it kills me to hear your comments. “She’s just trying to avoid work.” “She just wants attention.” “It’s not that bad.” “Well I have _____ and it’s so much worse!” I cannot control this thing in my body. It is ingrained in my genetics, it is part of my daily life. I know you can’t see the pain it causes, but it is there.
It is real and it is hard.
Imagine having a knife lodged in your abdomen about ten minutes after you eat anything. Are you a fan of milkshakes? Try to visualize your insides twisting themselves into knots every time you even have a sip of a milkshake. How about coffee? Kiss it goodbye unless you plan on spending your entire day in excruciating pain. Does this sound easy? I didn’t think so.
But I survive.
I still hope that if you don’t understand what this life is, you try to learn. I know there are so many things in this world to know and grasp, but invisible illnesses are something too many people ignore. I hope that if someone in your life struggles with this, you hug them a bit tighter and try to understand their struggles. We aren’t asking for sympathy, we aren’t hoping you’re cursed with these problems, we just want you to understand us and love us anyway. That’s all anyone can ever ask.
Sincerely,
A Teenage Crohnie
