I wanted a sister my entire life, but when my mom approached me and asked me if I wanted a five-year-old foster sister at seventeen, I was skeptical.

It was everything I’ve always wanted… But was a twelve-year age gap going to work? Was I going to be jealous of the attention she was getting? Was I even going to be a good big sister? Could I do it?

Yes I could, and it turned out to be one of the most memorable years of my life, both good and bad.

The foster system is a crazy and messed up place, but the year I got to spend with my little one is something I’ll forever treasure. The second I heard her running around the house, I knew it was going to be challenging as hell, but an experience I would enjoy, no matter how long it lasted. But, that’s the thing about this crazy, messed up system: you never know just how long you have, and how many insane hoops you’re going to have to jump through.

It was crazy, having a kindergartner and a senior in the house experiencing every first and last together. There were times we were the best of friends, and days we weren’t allowed in the same room, but still, I treasure these days, because they were still days I got to experience with you.

I miss your smile, your hug, and every moment you looked at me like I hung the moon and stars. I miss teaching you every little thing I could, or putting you to bed, no matter how hard the fight. I miss you cheering me on, or vice versa. I miss doing your hair and helping you pick out your clothes every night before bed. It’s hard for me to know that you're out there, and I can’t help you. I don’t get to experience any more of your life with you, I don’t get to see you excel in whatever your heart desires, or watch you walk across that stage. But I’m happy because deep down, I know you’re better off now, and most importantly, I know YOU’RE happy, and that’s the most important thing to me.

I might not be there with you physically anymore, but always remember this:

-You’ll always be my little bug, and I’ll always be your sissy.

-I hope you’ll always think of me and smile.

It might have only been for a chapter of each of our lives, but it will always be one of my favorite chapters, because I got to spend it with you.

Love forever,

Your big sister