April 21, 2015 is a day I will personally never forget. My mom went in for her yearly mammogram, something she has been doing for years (as every woman should). She had found an unusual lump in her breast a few days before and wanted to be safe and get it checked out. With her best friend being diagnosed with breast cancer just a few years earlier, she never wanted to take any chances. After the mammogram, she was asked to stay to talk to a doctor, something that she had never been asked to do. It was always a quick in and out kind of visit. This time was different. Much different.
The lump she had found was nothing abnormal, surprisingly, but what was underneath that lump. A tiny, minuscule lump was sitting just beneath the one she had found, and it wasn't supposed to be there. All there was to do next was wait. Wait for the results, and see what it exactly was.
I was in class when this happened. It was my senior year in college, and I was finishing up my final papers, projects and studying for my upcoming exams. I had so much to look forward to. Graduation, senior week, being done with school forever, but I couldn't even enjoy it anymore. The only thing in the back of my mind was "my mom could possibly have cancer."
Very few people knew what was going on. Only my closest friends and boyfriend. They all did their best to distract me from it all, but I couldn't be distracted. I should be getting ready to wrap up my senior year with parties and my best friends, but I simply couldn't get into the spirit. A few days later, the results came: Malignant. Cancerous. My worst nightmare.
I let myself wallow for only a few minutes. I had to be strong for my mom right now. The worst of it all was that I wasn't even home to be there for her. I wasn't there to distract her and watch our favorite movies together. I was five hours away, in another state and feeling helpless. She kept telling me not to worry and it will all be okay and to enjoy my last few days of college, but how could I? My mom had breast cancer and it wasn't anything I could fix.
There was good news in all of this. It was at the early stages of Stage 1 and a simple lumpectomy is all she needed. She went through chemo and radiation, but didn't lose any hair. The chemo made her incredibly sick though. I had to sit there and watch her feel horrible and freezing in 80 degree weather. I knew every Thursday to come home with chicken noodle soup for her.
Although if you ask her she would tell you otherwise, but my mother is a survivor. She thinks that there have been women who have had breast cancer much worse than her and that she isn't "worthy" of being dubbed a survivor. She didn't even tell anyone except her closest friends about her cancer because she didn't want people feeling sorry for her. That is my mother for you. She is stubborn, proud and a survivor. I don't care what she says.
Yes, of course I am extremely grateful that she found that lump that turned out to be nothing, because if she didn't then we wouldn't have caught the cancer so early on. Yes, there are women who are not as lucky. Her best friend had a very bad case of Stage 2 and got a double mastectomy and underwent chemo and radiation causing her to lose her hair. A very close family friend of ours had two lumps that had to be removed and lost her hair during treatment. They are survivors. Every women who has ever been diagnosed with cancer, whether is be Stage 1 or 4 is amazing in her own right. Including my mother.
To the girls who have had a similar experience like me, you aren't alone. I know that sinking feeling of not being able to help nearly as much as you want to. I know what it feels like to hear the words "mom has cancer." And to the girls who have lost a loved one to cancer, again, I am here for you. I never take for granted the hand my mother was dealt. She was extremely lucky, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't deserve to be recognized for the strong, amazing woman that she is.
On April 21st of this year, my mom had her routine mammogram again. It just so happened to be a year to the day of her last one that changed everything. This time is was different. This time it came back clear right away and she was able to walk out those doors as if nothing happened. She is officially cancer free.
For this month and every month after, I want every woman who has ever been affected by breast cancer to know that they are amazing and inspiring. The fights you all put up every day are incredible. Never sell yourselves short. You are all fighters and survivors.
