Dear Anxiety & Depression,

Have I ever made it clear that you're literally the worst? You make life ten times harder and 100 times less enjoyable. To be honest, I hate you. I hate you with every fiber of my being. From the way you make me feel, to the things you make me do. The way you make me hurt my friends and family because I can never really and truly explain to them what's going on. I can't say that I'm sad, or that I feel unlovable. I can't explain that sometimes I feel like the only reason people stick with me is because of some kind of twisted obligation.

Anxiety, why do you make me overanalyze everything? Why is it that I'm constantly questioning if people are mad at me? Why am I like this? I can't even have a normal conversation. Meeting new people and trying new things literally makes my stomach turn over because of you. I was sick my first year at church camp because of you. I come off as snobby and stuck up because I can get really nervous around people I don't know. And it's all because of you.

Depression, you're like that one friend who only ever calls you when they need something. Except in your case, you only even come calling when I don't need you. It doesn't matter that I could be having one of the best days of my life. You hit me like a ton of bricks and it's all over. I'm shot down into a tailspin of emotions. Everything that has ever gone wrong comes out. It's like you shook up a coke bottle then decided the best thing to do is open it. Everything comes out.

I'll never understand why I'm stuck with both of you. I work so hard to be "normal." I get good grades, I have lots of friends and I surround myself with as much positive energy as possible. I constantly try to be happy or at least feel happy. I fill the room with laughter. So much laughter that it makes others mad, but I don't care because I want to feel that good all the time. And yet, there you are, huddled in the background. Watching... waiting... for that one sign of weakness. That one moment of hesitation.

All I want out of life is to be happy. I don't care about money, or worldly things. Just for even a single moment I want to be truly happy. I don't want your shadows looming over me or you whispering untruths in my ear. I just want to be happy...

Sincerely,

Someone who hates you