Dear 20-Something,
You think to yourself that you know what you want after you graduate, or at least you think that you know what you want (but you probably don't).
"I think I may be the voice of my generation. Or at least a voice. Of a generation."
Hannah Hovrath said it best. For those of you who don't know or watch Lena Dunham's HBO masterpiece that is “Girls,” it is the story of a group of four friends—Marnie, Shoshanna, Jessa, and Hannah—who are living in New York City as they begin their independent lives. They're struggling with the realistic problems of life after college and being young and on your own.
Don’t lie and say you haven’t thought up a little world inside your head of what you want your life after college to be. You make plans. You want a cozy apartment in a city with a great job and a great boyfriend and friends to go out with to cool clubs and swanky parties on the weekends. You want clothes from places like Anthropologie and Free People, and you want to drink wine and go to dinner parties and have everything together and be happy.
Well, “Girls” will give you a pretty little reality check, delivered brutally honestly by Shoshanna’s off-and-on boyfriend, Ray:
“It’s hard to tell someone so young that things don’t always end up the way you thought they’d be.”
“Girls” is the story of girls going into the city of New York hoping their lives are going to be Carrie Bradshaw's, that they’re going to live the life of the “Sex in the City” girls. In reality, it isn't all drinking Cosmopolitans, driving around in a Mercedes Benz, and dating Mr. Big. It's more like drinking Barefoot wine, riding the dirty subway at one in the morning, and dating Adam Sackler. It isn’t living in the Upper East Side - it’s living in an overpriced shoe box in Brooklyn, where you can barely make rent. “Girls” shows you that life isn't always simple.
Barely being able to make rent (should I buy that pizza and cheesy bread from Domino's instead, or maybe that dress from TopShop?), pregnancy scares, still liking the boyfriend who has moved on from you, not finding the job you want and having to take a desk job as someone's intern, struggling to buy clothes you like, and growing apart from your friends... these are just a few issues the show shines a light on.
As a creative writing major at a small liberal arts college in Rhode Island, I understand Hannah's fear of never getting noticed in the writing community and that she will never get her book published (she complains she's going to have to settle for an e-Book). That fear is all too real. The same goes for the other girls in “Girls”- questions arise that I have heard all too often around campus.
"What if this isn't what I wanted to do with my life? I know I'm not on the right path."
"I don't even like what I do. Is it too late to change my major?"
"I hate my job."
You’re not alone.
“I just wish someone would tell me, like, ‘This is how the rest of your life should look,’” Marnie says in one episode. No truer words have ever been said. Every 20-something feels like this, at least once.
Where do I go from here? You ask yourself.
That's a brilliant question.
You've got to start out somewhere. And don't beat yourself up if you have to pick up a shift at Whole Foods or Panera or a coffee shop on the side. Your time to shine is coming, it just may not be this second. If you feel like you're in a field you hate, whether it be in college or in the workplace, then it's definitely not the place you are supposed to be. At least try to get on the path of where you want to be, or where you want to be going.
While jobs and school and friends are vital, don’t forget about yourself.
Jessa’s character, a boho-indie, free-spirited Brit and the group’s resident hippy, is the one in “Girls” that embodies this belief; be free of negativity, allow yourself to be liberated and happy. Splurge a little. Indulge. Take a chance and take a leap of faith. Don’t be afraid to reach out to that guy and don’t be afraid to wear that funky, weird outfit that you love but your friends don’t like. Don’t be afraid to live for yourself and not for others. Don't judge yourself and don't take yourself too seriously.
Don't forget the little things, like online shopping and old movies and singing as loud as you can before your lungs burst in the car with your friends.
"Girls" has taught me that it's okay if I feel like sitting in my gym shorts and watching "Indiana Jones" until two o’clock in the morning instead of reluctantly shrugging on a dress, heels, and makeup and going out to party. It’s OK to take a second and care about yourself for a second. There's so much pressure to go out and feel gross in the morning and forget who you talked to and what stupid things you said the night before.
There'll be other parties. It's OK to settle in and chill out. Don't feel pressure that you're missing out. When the time comes, and you want to go out and party, go for it.
"Girls" embodies the struggles of dating in your 20s.
"I really care about you, and I don’t want to anymore because it feels too shitty for me," Hannah says.
Let that Hannah quote sink in. If a relationship with a significant other makes you feel horrible, let it go.
It's hard, but let it go. It's unhealthy for you (and pretty lame) to ever let somebody make you feel that way.
However, "Girls" has taught that, believe it or not, chivalry isn't dead.
There are guys that still are chivalrous, and believe me, they aren't out there "Netflix and Chilling" a great girl like you. Don't waste your time on guys that couldn't care less about someone who matters as much as you. If you like “Netflix and Chilling,” then that's OK. But if you hate it and you’re just doing it in hopes that the guy will eventually like you, when it makes you feel terrible or uncomfortable, please don’t. There are people who put up with that just so they can say that they have somebody, and then they feel terrible about it, and that's no way to treat yourself. You're better than that. Be kind to yourself.
Have confidence. You are a work of art and don't take anything less and don't allow anybody to treat you like anything less.
“Girls” dictates that that relationships will happen for you, you just have to be patient. Don’t rush into things. Maybe things happened at the wrong place at the wrong time—timing sucks—and now an old boyfriend who you're still not over is with somebody new. Yeah, it's horrible, but you never know what's gonna happen. People change and people leave, but things end up the way they're supposed to (I'm looking at you, Adam in the Season 2 finale). And if that guy doesn't come back to you, he wasn't supposed to (I’m looking at you, Charlie and Marnie). If it isn’t meant to be, it isn’t meant to be. It hurts and it sucks, but it’s the truth. There’s something, somebody, out there that you haven’t even met that’s better for you. There is. Be patient, be patient, be patient. It’ll happen.
“Girls” has taught me to keep friends close.
They’re like you’re siblings—they may get on your nerves at times, but they're struggling with their own issues and they're hoping you can help them out because they love and care about you and your opinion.
You’re no different than them.
At the end of the day, week, semester—it doesn’t matter—they’ll always be there for you to order pizza and watch a movie with after a not so great night out. Don't let them grow apart from you and try not to judge them too much, even though it's tempting. They’re your greatest lifeline, your sisters, your counterparts, your partners in crime. This is the time in your life when you're young and on your own, and you and them are trying to make the right choices in this crazy world (later you’ll see maybe these weren’t the best choices, and that’s OK). They're trying to deal with their problems as much as you're trying to deal with yours. They’re people who you’ve grown with and will always love, and they’ll always love you back, through thick and thin.
“Girls” has taught me, above all, to keep on going. No matter what struggle and what drama the young adult world hurls at you, you're going to be OK. You'll get there. It'll happen for you. Don't be afraid.
Be patient and excited and brave for this new world.
After all, you're only a 20-something.
All the Best,
Your Fellow 20-Something
