Right now I am struggling with many things. Mainly with what the future holds.
I am a senior in high school. Senioritis is hitting me hard and even just doing my school work is a struggle. Each day I wake up and immediately want to turn over and go back to bed. However; I am working towards something greater than the present. I am on the edge overlooking my future. My future seems to be as vast as the ocean and I am standing on the beach, dipping my toes in the water. Sometimes I think I am drowning under the water. People ask me, “Where are you going to college?” and I have no idea. “What are you going to go into?” and I still have no idea. Ever since I was little, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I dreamt of being a successful lawyer with beautiful children and a loving husband. I wanted to have enough money to live a good life and not have to worry about such things. But as I started to grow up, I realized maybe I didn’t know what was important in life. Having enough money is always great, having beautiful kids isn’t a bad thing, and having a loving husband would be amazing. But was that all that I ever wanted to aspire to do in life? Maybe impacting my little corner of the world wouldn't be so bad, but living the American dream, doesn’t seem to be so fulfilling. I hear so often that American people are very rude, ungrateful, and unhappy. The children seem to have an epidemic of depression, anxiety, and leads to suicide. As I have also been in such a dark place, I wish for neither my kids nor anyone else to deal with those issues. It seems that we all are searching for a happiness that the American dream supposedly contains. While the American Dream isn’t such an awful thing, I think it can poison the idea of my future. I do want to be successful at a job and have a wonderful family, but I know there are struggles in life. I know there is more to live for than the idea of something. There is a quote that talks about having expectations and how that leads to ruining the reality of what we have. I am guilty of having high expectations and letting them ruin what is right in front of me. For my future and my college, I don’t want to miss what is right in front of me because I am expecting other things. For my job and my family, I don’t want to be ungrateful because I am picturing the American Dream. It is like chasing after this American Dream or happiness, but if I stop running after it, I can take a breath and appreciate all that is around me. It is silly, but honestly when people ask me where I am going, I know I am going into the future. When people ask me what I am going to go into, I am hoping to head towards greater joy. Sometimes we get lost searching for our identity, waiting for the future you to arrive. but really, we need to focus on the present. If I am at least making small steps daily, I will arrive one day to where I want to be. But when I get caught up in the impossibility of how far off it seems, I get stuck. So one day, I look forward to meeting the future me- but trust me, the future me will never fully arrive. I have many hopes and dreams for myself. I hope I can achieve some of them, but I hope to leave the world a better place.
Someone from the past