Dear Suffering,
People suffer from everything. Invisible diseases, not making enough money, making too much money, losing a loved one, breaking up with someone. There are all kinds of reasons people can be suffering. I know that I suffered recently because my aunt died from breast cancer, last year. Cancer is something scary. I am sorry to anyone who has had to go through the struggle of the ups and downs of battling a cancer of some type. I knew my aunt really well. She was my inspiration for a lot in this world. She was healthier than most, yet of course not healthy enough.
It doesn’t stop me from searching for a cure. It doesn’t stop me from volunteering my time to find more answers. I have suffered through a lot of constant migraines without explanations as to what causes them. I am healthy, but I don’t always feel healthy. I feel as if I am lost and just cruising through this life. Motivation only lasts so long. Sometimes I wonder if I am supposed to be where I am at in life. This world is so big, and I am here. Is there potential elsewhere?
If you are suffering right now, please don’t forget your worth. Don’t forget that you are capable of making it through anything in this life. God doesn’t put you in battles that you can’t handle. Sometimes I look at the sentences I write, and wonder how I can be such a hypocrite. If God doesn’t put you in battles you can’t handle, why would he take away lives that matter? I guess that’s just how he works. It’s said God works in mysterious ways. I know there is a God. My aunt just went to live with him earlier than most would. She would be 41 this month - he took her home just shy of her 40th Birthday. Leaving her to be only 39 when she passed away. She has a family that loves her endlessly. I guess we all mourn in different ways. It’s been a little over a year since she passed.
Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. We need to go through pain at times to see the other side where the sunshine is. Losing my aunt was the worst. But I didn’t just loose an aunt, her husband lost a wife. Her sons lost a mom. Her grandsons lost their Noni. Her friends and family lost a daughter, sister, and friend. We all need to value our roles in life, and when tragedy strikes it makes you reevaluate yourself. At least it did me.
As if losing my aunt wasn’t hard enough, I lost her two days before my birthday. As the summer went on, I noticed things had changed for me. I was different in some twisted way. I started crying randomly. I would tear up when I heard a song that made me think of her. There are a lot of songs out there that remind me of her, beginning with Brantley Gilberts “One Hell of an Amen”.
I often will just open my Bible and read a passage because it makes me think of the times I went to church with her when I was younger. Her boys were schooled in a Christian atmosphere. Since I was the only kid in my family that was into God, she took me under her wing. I was also the only girl in the universe she had cut hair on. (She was also a barber, meaning she cut men’s hair.) There are so many memories I have with her. I would share them all if I could.
The most important thing here I am sharing is that we all suffer. She suffered from Cancer, and I suffered with losing her. But it’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to cry. And it’s okay to be lost at times.
Sincerely,
Suffered Enough
