Want to know something? I’ve tried the “to get over someone you have to get under someone else” rule that everyone throws around, and I’m not sure if it’s just me, but I don’t think it really works. In a way it actually made things worse, because in my head all I could think about is you and what you would think like I was cheating or something knowing I wasn’t, I wasn’t even close to doing anything like that. We were never together, we never had a label on anything so why would I even care what you thought when we weren’t even speaking? Why would I care what you thought of the ways I chose to try and get over you when you weren’t even mine to begin with? The whole time I’m actually trying to convince myself that this great guy who was practically begging for my time and attention isn’t “right” for me because he wasn’t you… stupid right? They found someone else though, and I’m very happy for them and I’m happy it wasn’t me. I wasn’t right for them and I knew that and I think they realized that too, I wasn’t ready either. I just can’t wait for the day that I realize that I need to stop holding onto something that isn’t there, and by the way you act now wasn’t ever there. It’s even funnier because you were interested first and I had to actually tell myself it was okay to trust you, it was okay to let someone else in finally. I knew that I’d found a good one after waiting all that time. I’m not saying I was wrong, I’m just saying I was misguided and hurt again. You made letting someone in so easy, you made everything feel so natural. I actually started to believe that I could be myself with someone, I could be happy with someone again. I couldn’t fathom that it was going to be with someone like you, someone as great and charming as you. I couldn’t begin to think why someone like you wanted someone like me. I mean I’ll admit I come with a lot of baggage and trauma and issues an what have you but you made all of those seem so cared for, and simple and I can’t tell you how much I appreciated that. No one else had ever taken the time to actually make me talk about things or make me feel like they wanted to hear them and fix them or whatever problem I had. I respected that and loved that about you so much. Though, I guess I got wrapped up in what we made “us” out to be, whatever “us” even was. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel small or like you had to go. I can’t even explain how much you meant to me or how much I cared and in a way still do. I’ve wasted so many tears, and so much time on thinking that you’ll one day change your mind and come back and give us a fair chance. I shouldn’t have to and won’t beg anyone for their time and affection though. When you came back after your spout of jealousy that you said wasn’t jealousy but I know it was big dawg you don’t have to lie to kick it, I knew something didn’t feel right but I ignored it because I was just happy to have you again. Again, I believed that you would prove everything you said to me and that we would be okay, that was my mistake. You didn’t give it a fair chance though, you didn’t even try. I wish you would’ve communicated that better to me. God, you don’t even know how badly I wanted to be there for you. Maybe you’re still hurt from the past and maybe I was just the one in the crossfire of that, I’m not too sure what it is that you’re afraid of and I don’t know if knowing would make a difference. For some reason after all this time I still hold onto hope and in a way I think I always will, but please don’t expect me to be “cool” so easily. I wish I could let it all go as easily as you have. I wish I could actually listen when everyone says that I need to remember who I am and stop “tripping over some dude” or “you’re more than good enough it’s them that aren’t”. With all of that being said, I hope the next girl is everything you’ve ever dreamed of. I hope she keeps you stocked on cold beer on a Saturday watching an lsu game, I hope she cuddles you so you don’t have to cuddle her 24/7, I just hope she’s everything I wanted to be for you. I can’t wish you anything but true happiness and peace. Thank you for everything Z.
Come back anytime.

Xoxo, Khlo

P.S. Michelob and Bud are kind of tied for