We tend to befriend people that represent different phases in our lives. The term “best friend” is usually understood to mean the preferred friend, but, in actuality, a best friend tends to be a person that grows with you in each phase of life: high school, college, a semester abroad, and then some. From red to violet, that person sticks around despite what life throws. And life throws a lot.
When I look at my life I tend to imagine it in segments. These segments are like an IMDB page, containing plot, date of release, and the cast involved. I’m lucky to have had a lot of 7/10 or higher segments. I’ve always had a great cast and the plot, while occasionally murky, has a phenomenal, Oscar-winning ending.
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Most people long for a great love and search high and low for it. I do that as well, but with friendship. I’m always trying to find that next great friend to add to the mix. In my mind I long to create a “super group” of friends that defies the odds and lasts forever. But as I’ve gotten older the search gets harder and that supposed super group never rises past the surface.
I can create a list of reasons as to why these friendships end but that won’t solve anything. Instead, it would create levels of misery and let's be honest, who needs that? What I’ve come to realize and accept is that a super group is impossible to create because the phases of life change constantly.
Despite my fierce attempts, some friends get left inside a segment. That’s not to say all memories with said person become erased or suddenly negated. The chapter closes and all that’s left is for you to turn the page.
To my most recent goodbye: I’m sorry we weren’t able to elongate our friendship. I had dreams of living with you in a Pinterest-worthy apartment where each night we would have sit-down meals like we used to and we would laugh at the experiences we shared together. I understood that things weren’t exactly the same as they once were back in… well, you know what I’m talking about.
I accepted the fact that you were always busy and that our friendship became a pen pal-like arrangement. Even though I didn’t get to see you face-to-face, I never felt distant because of the constant stream of communication we had and I was so grateful for that.
Never would I bad-mouth you because you were such an important part of my life. I will say that I’m frustrated and unapologetic at the notion that you didn’t make an effort to balance out having a friend and having a boyfriend. These are two separate things and can be enjoyed as such.
I never wanted you to be in a Sophie’s Choice situation. I didn’t want you to choose between having a boyfriend and being pals with me. The whole idea of picking someone over another person is just juvenile. I truly am happy you found love and I wish you all the best. I hope he’s your soul mate and can give you the life you deserve. If I led you to believe otherwise, I’m so sorry.
Love,
Shaina
A very good friend of mine and I recently had a conversation about whom we would invite to our prospective weddings. We talked about how the list of people we keep in touch with diminishes as the years go by. We talked about how even though we may not be actively speaking to a person, we still would invite them to our wedding because our memories are still there, even if time isn’t.
So to the person who ended up being just a segment of my life, that’s perfectly fine. We may not have an epic goodbye but you have this letter and I have two years of memories. Thank you so much for that. Now, let’s raise a glass to friendship and I’ll hopefully see you when I get married. Goodbye, friend.
