To my first love,
There is no simple explanation as to why your first love is so powerful. I guess it's an accumulation of so many first moments and emotions. A first love teaches you who you are and molds your standards for every future relationship you encounter.
We experienced everything you could imagine of high school sweethearts, and gave it a go in our college years. We have been through so much together. Bad and good. You and I were there for each other for every single first you could possibly encounter growing up, and in what felt like no time at all we went from kids to adults. We had such a beautiful relationship, filled with so many memories. We will always have a connection unlike any other, that always leaves you digging deeper and asking the world for more. Most importantly, I gained my best friend- my soulmate. You were my everything all at once. A true soul mate is the most important person you will ever meet. They tear down your walls, and make you realize who you are in this world. But sometimes your soulmate doesn’t result in two lives fusing into one. Whether that may be because of timing or a million other reasons.
Most importantly, I loved you. I loved you through every emotional part of the roller coaster you had brought into my life. I loved you on the days that you were pleasant and kind and also the days you were unrecognizable to me. I loved you through changing circumstance and the rapid movement of time. I even loved you when you decided that you didn't love me anymore. And I realize that it’s because the difference between you and I is that my love is unwavering. It is a love that is deep inside of my soul and gives restoration to my faith in other people. It is a love that I was taught when I was a little girl. People in this world are going to hurt me. They have, and they will again. They will love me and they will hate me. Sometimes they will do both, as you decided to do sometimes.Our relationship evolved into something that it wasn’t. Not because of any conflict or instance, simply because we grew up. We were both going very different places in life, and our time together had come to rest.
As time has gone on, I've realized that not once did you shatter my love. Love is not something that is cast aside and broken. It is something that resides safely inside of each and every one us if we choose to recognize it. It is a tool for forgiveness and strength. It is faith, when we lose it in humanity. It is being able to see our own beauty and potential, even when others make those things feel non-existent. Love is a perpetual joy that saves us when all hope feels lost. But Love is not something that you could have took from me, it’s something that our young and stupid relationship taught me as I moved on.
I know you have it too, deep inside of you, and my love allowed me to genuinely hope that you would understand it one day. There are no simple letters written about simple heartbreaks. There is only one simple concept, and that is that love is the most powerful entity in the world.
I will always think of you. I will probably allow a few more tears to fall down over time for our first love. I will most likely shed more when I listen to a song we used to sing or see something I know would make you smile. But I'm OK. I ended up being OK because the love inside of me is strong and true. I will always be OK because no matter how many people trample on my heart in the future, they will never take the love you taught me to give to others.
I want you to know that I enjoyed everything that you gave me out of life. Including the pain. You taught me so many things not only about myself, but about how I want to be treated when I am ready to settle down with my husband. To accept the love that I deserve, to allow myself to love without limits or conditions. To trust in Gods plan, and know that sometimes people can have something beautiful but are not meant to be together forever. And maybe in the future their worlds will collide together for a moment more.
We had a first love that I pray others get to have. Not because it was perfect and beautiful, because it was far from that. It was painful, but extraordinary. It was a journey of indescribable feelings. As time goes on, our first love became something that I no longer mourned for ending. It’s the kind of love that gives you new life, and teaches you much more than a happily ever after ever could. I’ll cherish the time we spent together for the rest of my life.
I am so thankful it happened. It changed me, and you have to always thank God for anything that does so.
Thank you for everything,
Your first love.