During my sophomore year, I would lock the door, turn off all the lights, and plug in headphones. If people knocked, I wouldn’t answer. I stayed cuddled up in my window seat in the dark, watching movies or sometimes, even, reading the book with a flashlight under my bed. This sounds romantic, but it was bordering (or, to be honest, completely) childish. I was so unsure of how to tell people that I just didn’t want to go out. Not at all, not even a little bit.
Starting college made me feel like a freak because everyone was so on all of the time. We went to class together, we ate meals together, we went out together, we stayed in together. And, for the most part, I really enjoyed that. But I love my me-time. I’m desperate for my me-time. I didn’t know how to say that without hurting anyone’s feelings, I didn’t know how to explain that some nights, some meals, I just wanted to do by myself. Instead, I turned off the lights and read under the covers because I wanted to at least have the illusion that I left the room, not that I had food delivered and hadn’t put on a bra yet today. Or, to be honest, clean pants.
So, to all my fellow introverts, I have made a guide to surviving college! This way, when you're in your pajamas greeting the delivery guy at 11 pm and run into your friend after ignoring her texts, calls, and knocks, you don't have to lie and tell her you're at a pajama party.
1. Be honest.
Don't apologize for yourself! Just tell a friend that you feel like staying in tonight. This one, of course, seems like the most obvious but I've found it the least. You don't have to lie, make up excuses, or pretend you've caught the plague. It's absolutely and totally okay for you to tell someone no and just be honest about why.
2. Reach out.
I was always terrified that if I said no once, no one would ever want to hang out with me again and then I'd be friendless and alone forever and ever. Hopefully, I'm a little bit more dramatic than you. But, I bet you've had some version of this thought before. My advice is to reach out. Tell your friend not tonight, but what about tomorrow? You can absolutely give an alternative that tells them you still want to see them, just not now.
3. Make time for you.
You aren't going to be happy with yourself when you've been too afraid to say no, especially if this is your fifth night going out this week. Maybe you just get caught up in the moment or maybe you have a serious fear of missing out. Either way, it could be best to just plan out a chunk of the week just for you. Plan it. Put it in a time slot. Treat a date with yourself just like you would a date with someone you really adore: honor it and make it happen.
4. No schoolwork
Do not work on your resume. Do not fill out job applications. Do not read a book for class or work on your Biology homework. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Put school away. This is not stress time, this is you time. Treat yourself to what you love. Do things that make you happy. Homework will come later, you come first right now.
5. No shame.
This rule is extra important. Whether you want to go out to dinner, see a movie, or buy a pint of ice-cream, there is no shame. It's not embarrassing to be by yourself. If you run into people, don't feel awkward about it. Own up to your you-time. Tell them that you're on a date with yourself. It is absolutely okay.
To all my fellow introverts: make some time this week for yourself.
