Step one: When they call you the night after a date, be sure to throw your phone in the blender and run away.
Just kidding, but for many independent women, this is a common feeling that occurs. The feeling of being automatically trapped: it makes us anxious, nervous and most of all turned off. Now this is where for most people, sweet talk and cute good morning texts just light up your day – but that does the exact opposite for us independent, non-committal women. It makes our stomachs turn, our palms sweaty and our minds go fuzzy. Like, how hard is it to come up to a response to something as harmless and caring as “good morning,” right? Well, for us it’s like rocket science. We have to analyze and read into everything; it becomes an all-consuming feeling that immediately makes you feel like you have stepped from the dating zone straight into the marriage proposal. You may begin to giggle at this absurd and completely ridiculous thought process, but let me tell you it is not exaggerated or fake. It is 100 percent real.
Now just because we are “non-committal” doesn’t mean we don’t want to have someone; it just means we need a little extra time to get used to the idea. This really means if you make it past the first date you may have a chance.
All jokes aside, it’s a set rhythm that we often create for ourselves to immediately put our guard up. With a little time and patience, it will begin to feel natural, normal and most of all comfortable. I’ve created a list of five helpful points to use when beginning that uncomfortable dating journey.
- When stepping into a new dating ring, remember you are not always in control, and that's okay! Learn to step back, relax and let them plan the outing.
- When they call you on the phone the first time, don't throw the phone across the room and ignore it. Bite the bullet, answer the phone and proceed with conversation. Fighting your biggest fear right at the moment will definitely change the situation.
- Remember you can text them too! An occasional “how was your day” or “Hey what’s up” is appropriate and mature.
- Its okay to relax and just enjoy the moment. Allow yourself to open up. Tell them some fun things about you: hobbies, travels, dreams etc.
- Lastly, try not to ramble on about your work. There is a level of work discussion that is appropriate. Disconnect from any work obsessions and focus on engaging conversations that interest both parties.
Dating can be a scary thing for us, but it doesn’t have to be if we just take a deep breath, focus on positive vibes and remember it's just an outing between two people. Being independent is a great thing and many people think it is an attractive feature to have, but being overly independent can damage relationships both socially and emotionally. It may be the most uncomfortable experience at first but you never know it may just be worth it in the end.
