Pornography is incredibly pervasive in our society, available through many different platforms: computers, smartphones, literature, TV, etc. I know for some people not just in America, but around the world, pornography really isn't that big of a deal. Maybe it isn't. But in my personal experience, certain things have happened to make me say enough is enough and do something about it. I know this is not the story for everyone, but for me and a few others I know, porn has left them in states of brokenness, whether it's mental, physical, emotional, or even financial brokenness. I can't speak for any others, but I will give a little insight into how pornography has affected me.

For some, like it did for me, it probably starts off pretty harmless and doesn't get in the way of normal life. I can't remember how old I was or exactly what had happened the first time I was exposed to it, suffice it to say I was young. At first, I was able to walk away from it with relatively no difficulty. The real problem came several years later. I was involved with someone who for the intents and purposes of this article will remain nameless. Needless to say, the relationship ended poorly and what was once seldom use became daily. This cycle went on for months on end. There were stretches I went without it, sure, but when I did I could feel everything....negative.

I've been trying to do something about it for a long time, but there's a simple truth: Willpower is not enough. No matter how much other people tell you or even you tell yourself. Trying to stop watching porn is similar in respects to quitting smoking or drinking. I won't lie and say I don't still have my problems with it because I've had. And I wish I could say there was this grand "enough is enough" moment and never looked at it again. I cannot tell you how many times I slipped up and said, "Okay! THAT was the last time. I'm NEVER going to look at it again!" only to find myself having slipped up and so disappointed. But I did slip up and I've hurt people that are really close to me. It has damaged many relationships arguably beyond repair and it has made me into a person I despise with every fiber of my being.

I can't tell you the full extent of what it has taken from me. So many things it has taken that I will never get back: time, energy, even money. I've lost quite bit of all of the above. Most days I feel like I have quite literally lost my soul and I've degenerated into this mountain of self-loathing. It has led to a degree of self-destructive behaviors, most notably of which of has been self-harm.

In that particular state of mind, I turned to basically anything that would take my mind away from the emptiness that I felt inside. I just wanted to feel something, much like in "Hurt" by Johnny Cash. I was harming to see if I could still feel anything and what I felt was self-loathing, despair, hopelessness. I was shown a series of videos on Facebook with action star Terry Crews, wherein he talks about the struggle that he had with pornography. Honestly, I have never had much of an affinity for Terry Crews, as I think his movies are mindless. These Facebook videos really made me think and it was really incredible. The part of it that hit me the most: he was talking about the difference between guilt and shame. It was described as guilt being a state where you know you have done something wrong and that you have hurt another person. Shame is something completely different. Shame says that we ARE bad. This reminded me quite a bit of how I have felt before.

I have since taken strong opposition to pornography. Not just for what it has done to me, but what it also does to others. There have countless stories such as the story of Vanessa Belmond that talk in detail of the abuse and violence that many performers sustain and all of them do it having a feigned sense of pleasure. The pornography industry is also linked to sex trafficking. An article in the Huffington Post by John-Henry Westen interviewed the CEO of Fight the New Drug, which is a non-faith based, non-political anti-porn group cited a "study of 854 women in nine countries that found 49% of women "said that porn had been made of them while they were in prostitution, and 47% said they had been harmed by men who had either forced or tried to force their victims to do things the men had seen in porn". It is not enough to me that this has an effect on me, but it is also the effect it has on others. It honestly keeps me up at night, thinking that I've supported another person's oppression. Some days, I am not so sure that there is a God, but I think if there is, I am going to be completely clueless as to how I will explain myself.