For almost two years I was stuck in an on and off relationship where I thought everything we had was normal. I thought the names he called me and the way he shamed me was completely normal, but looking back on it three months after the final break up I realize how awful he was to me.

I changed because of him. I doubted myself and I began to distance myself from others. He was truly my only friend and best friend. I was angry all the time, I didn't feel like eating, and I constantly felt like everything was my fault. My life constantly revolved around him and if we never ended I don't think I would have found the happiness I have right now.

The relationship may have changed me in a bad way for a couple years but it changed me for the better in the long run. For one, it taught me how to love. It taught me that love isn't based on hurtful words and isolation. It's not based on control or power and anyone who just wants control or power over you is not the person you should be with.

I was taught that my real friends matter. There were two or three people that stuck by my side through the whole thing even when I shut them out. One of my friends told me to get out a year ago but I didn't listen to him. I know I should have listened earlier but even now I'm glad I had taken his advice and got out. My best friends have seen a completely different me. The me I was in November is not the me I am now.

I was taught to put myself first. I spent too much time and money worrying about him or if he was loyal or if he was lying to me. The best thing I could have done for us both is put myself first and let myself be happy for once. But it was almost as if I was under a spell and I couldn't break it. Now, I'm not afraid to buy myself nice things every once in a while or make sure that I'm happy before others sometimes. I deserve happiness.

I was taught that a person who loves you does not threaten to leave you every time you fight. A person who loves you would fight and get over it and be with you no matter the circumstances. Through hell or high-water, they will support you and be with you no matter what.

I was taught that someone who loves you does not cheat and lie. They don't pretend like they're friends with a guy/girl but really they've been hooking up with them on the side, behind your back. I also learned that once a cheater, always a cheater. A wise teacher once told me, "Behavior changes, character does not."

Most importantly I was taught that a person that loves you does not call you names out of spite. After I had heart surgery he once said "Ever since the surgery, you've been a real..." female dog, to put it lightly. That surgery meant the world to me. That surgery gave me a clean slate to start over and do what I wanted and needed to do. Anyone who treats you that way after you've hit such a big milestone should not be in your life.

He rarely told me he was proud of me, he rarely asked how I was doing when my health was deteriorating because it was all about him. It was all about he couldn't do this or he couldn't do that. It was how he couldn't be in a distance relationship. And I learned, it was because he didn't truly love me because if he did, distance wouldn't matter.

I can thank this one Bible verse, for getting me through the hardest days, when I'm missing the good times.

"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." Corinthians 13: 4-7