**TRIGGER WARNING: Piece discusses sexual harassment/sexual assault.**
Dear fifteen-year-old me,
I just want to start off by saying congrats on having your quinceañera. You're finally a "woman," but you still feel like a lost little girl. You're probably wondering what life has in store for you. You're probably wondering what you'll be doing in six or so years. You still don't know that the next couple of years will be a hectic and emotional roller coaster.
You'll soon jump into a relationship that you had no interest in. You'll soon feel like you can't trust everyone in the entire planet (especially guys). You feel like you can't tell anyone about your feelings without looking fragile. You feel like you have to tell yourself that whatever you're feeling will soon go away. You just have to fake a smile. You'll spend the next two to three years crying yourself to sleep. You'll spend hours in the corner of your bathroom, crying your eyes out. Feeling lost and hopeless.
You'll graduate high school with a solid 3.0 GPA and a full ride to SUNY Purchase. You'll hug all of your high school friends and tell them that you'll miss them. You still don't have a clue of what the next four years will have in store for you.
You'll storm out of a required sexual assault seminar because you realized that you've been abused by those closest to you. You spend the next three years denying it ever happened.
You spend those three years talking to several guys, dropping them once they show interest in you. You drop them because you're afraid that abuse will come back.
Anxiety and anger start to develop, something that's completely new to you. Your grades go up and down, almost leaving you without any financial aid. You start to skip classes because you're too tired to get out of bed. You think to yourself, "this isn't how I used to be back in high school." You can't fake your happiness any longer.
The only way out of it is to accept everything that happened in the past and let it go. Conveniently, you have a platform to express yourself (you joined the Odyssey community a few months ago). You decided to write about your experience, not knowing the overwhelmingly huge amount of support you'll get in doing so.
Once that's out of the way, you start to realize life starts to get better. You meet new people. All of which have been the most amazing support system you'll ever have. You soon start to focus on classes and your overall health. You learn to love yourself for the way you are. You learn to not have your life depend on a guy. You start to feel independent. You'll feel like you're on top of the world.
You'll soon be sitting in your room (six years since your quince and seven months since the important Odyssey story), crying as you write this letter to yourself. They're not tears of sadness. They're tears of happiness.
You've accomplished so much my dear. You've gone through so much. So much heartbreak. So many people vanishing from your life. So many tears and complete anger.
Yet, here you are. You've managed to end the first half of your last year in college with a 3.57 GPA. You've also managed to snag a position as Editor-in-Chief in your Odyssey community. You have an amazing group of friends who support you in everything you do. You should be proud of what you've become. Keep on fighting.
Love,
21 Year Old You
