I may look like a happy-go-lucky type of girl, if you don’t know me you would think I have a pretty great life by the things I post on social media. Truth be told, I have an amazing life, I have the world’s best mom who has been there for me since.. well birth obviously. I have amazing friends that always help me smile.

What you probably don’t know about me is that every day I find something wrong with myself. I realize how stubborn I am or how one boob is bigger than the other or even that my love handles are uneven. I’m here now to apologize.

I apologize for the times that I distanced myself from everyone.

I’ve ditched friends so many times just because I truly believed that they would just be better off without me annoyingly tagging along. I never went to any of you about the problems I had because I believed that my pain would go away and I would be fine the next day. That didn’t happen though, sometimes I would take a month or two until I found a reason to be happy again. I’m sorry I never came to you for help.

I apologize for blowing up.

They would keep asking me what’s wrong and I kept saying nothing. It took the one time they asked at the wrong time for me to explode, not on them or anything they did, but I blew up about everything that upset me in life like my weight or how that boy I was in-love with used me or how I felt like I only had one friend in the world when all I desperately wanted in life was to be happily surrounded by friends. I’m sorry for never opening up when you asked what’s wrong.

I apologize for never listening.

I’ve always been told I am good enough and I should be happy. I want nothing more to be happy, but with depression it isn’t easy. Little things trigger it. I could be walking along having a great day and then someone could look at me the wrong way and it would make me over think every aspect of my life, like what I did to deserve such a look. You said I did nothing for wrong and that I was just over thinking, but I never believed you. I’m sorry for hearing you but not fully listening and believing what you were saying.

I do not apologize.

I do not apologize for overreacting or being annoying or letting little things bother me. These things that I do make me who I am. I am learning to love myself so that my friends can do the same.

Special Thank you to my mom for being my rock, my shoulder to cry on, and for being my best friend. I love you more than words can describe, to the moon and back.