I am ashamed to be an American.

I can’t say I’ve ever felt like this before. I’m not one of those people who believe solely in a romanticized vision of America - I know that this country has made many mistakes, some of them so dark that it hurts to think about. But, somehow, despite it all, I still remained proud to be a citizen of the United States of America.

Then the 2016 Election happened, and Donald Trump became our president-elect.

I’m not going to hide the fact that I went and voted for Hillary Clinton, because I did. I’m also not going to hide the fact that I’ve never been a big Clinton supporter - to me, a vote for Clinton was a vote against Trump. Though I didn’t completely like her as a person, I could respect her. But enough about Hillary Clinton. This isn’t about Hillary Clinton.

This is about how the American people - my fellow Americans - elected Donald Trump to be the next President of the United States. The night of the election, as I sat with my eyes glued to TV, watching the states light up in blue and red, was one of the most surreal nights of my entire life. I couldn’t believe what was happening. What the American people were doing. I started questioning everything. I’m still questioning everything, and I think I will be for a long time.

The morning after Election night, I awoke with a heavy heart and carried it around with me for the remainder of the day. Though this sounds incredibly melodramatic, I felt like a loved one had died. That’s the most accurate way I can describe how I was feeling. It’s like a chunk of my heart got ripped out of my chest and all I could feel was gaping hole that was left. It’s one of those feelings that you can’t imagine ever going away. Is this how the next four years of my life are going to be?

I have seen so many messages on social media about how we should react to the outcome of this reaction. About how we shouldn’t blow Trump’s win out of proportion, and that we should just take a deep breath, unite among ourselves, and continue to fight for what we believe in. I know I will continue to fight for what I believe in. I want to think that this election has lit a fire in a lot of us to make a positive change in this country. I wholeheartedly support that.

But even if we can come together as a country, and if I’m able to continue to express my values and have my voice be heard, it doesn’t change the fact that the person representing America now is the man that mocked a disabled reporter on national television. A man who faces a rape trial next month. A man who wants to kick immigrants out of our country and build a wall on our border. A man who doesn’t want a woman to be able to control her own body. A man who opposes same-sex marriage. A man who believes that global warming is a hoax. A man who is open to using nuclear weapons in order to be unpredictable. A man who generates legitimate fear in immigrants. A man who does not even try to understand the difficulties and stigma so many others face. A man who has blatantly lied to the American public over and over again. A man who manipulates anger, ignorance, and fear for his own personal gain. I could go on.

I am done being disappointed. I am done being frightened. I am done being angry. I am just ashamed. I am deeply and tremendously ashamed of America and the American people who used their right to vote to take away the rights of others.