Honestly, I've always believed there is nothing worse than coming in second. I would rather be dead last, than be one step removed from my goal.
The thing about coming in second is that you know if you would've just done one little thing different, you would be first. And I'm not just talking in terms of races or competitions, I mean in relationships too.
As much as we hate to admit it, we are all guilty of constantly putting one person first, especially when it comes to friends. I'm guilty of it, but I try my hardest to give my all to all of my friends.
It doesn't seem like such a big deal at first, but when you constantly keep choosing one person over someone else, it can get ugly. See, all most people want in life is to feel needed and to feel valued. We want people in our lives who want to spend time with us and not just when they need something. We want people who choose us back, who don't disappear when someone else comes around. It's frustrating when it seems like you put everyone first, but you're just a second thought to everyone else.
I am so tired of putting people first who just put me to the side, because someone they see as more important comes around. It makes me feel awful and it makes me feel used. People aren't just toys you can put aside, because you found a new favorite. We are people and we have feelings and we have insecurities. Nothing will damage a friendship quicker than someone feeling like they're unimportant.
In these situations, I'd honestly rather you just let me be instead of putting me right to the side so I can be available for whenever the person you constantly pick over me isn't around anymore. I would rather be dead last on your list, than be second. When you constantly put someone in your back pocket, you are ruining their self-esteem. Imagine you keep training and training and training for a race, you put all your time and effort into it, only to be beat by the same person over and over again. Imagine how frustrating that would be and how awful that would make you feel. That's what it feels like when someone you put first, puts you second.
I know I am guilty of this, but I also try and do my best to make sure this is not something I do repeatedly, because I know how it feels. It crushes me when I don't feel important to someone who is so important to me. I like to think I'm a good friend and all I ask is for that in return. It's not hard to balance your friendships and it certainly isn't hard to validate your friends. Sure, you're going to have a friend or two that you're closer too, but give your friends reassurance that you like having them in your life.
Next time you find yourself putting someone aside, stop and think about how many times you've done it. Even when your "number one" is around, remember other people in your life don't stop existing.
