I graduated high school with a 4.0 GPA as the valedictorian and class president of my class; one year later with a 3.5 college GPA, I was convinced that I peaked in high school. The following year when I had an even lower GPA of a 2.2, I realized that my best days really were behind me, and I believed that I was incompetent in the “real world”. The worst part of this experience was this feeling of inferiority, uselessness, and depression that lingered as a result of my poor school performance. I knew that this experience was not unusual: the exceptional high school student turned average college student, but this understanding did not eliminate the feeling of shame. For the first time in my life, I lost my sense of identity as the “smart girl”, and I felt the unbearable weight of being a disappointment to myself, my family, and anyone who believed in me.
I decided that my only option to improve my college performance and be a competent student was to leave my seemingly impossible dreams of being a doctor and change my major and career path. I spent the weeks following this decision contemplating my place in the world, and I wondered why I was going to college if I did not have the intelligence and ability succeed or even keep up with my peers. How would I ever be competent in any career if basic classroom teachings were difficult for me?
I spent a lot of time trying to rid my mind of negativity and sought comfort in meditation and prayer more regularly in the hope that I might find guidance through my faith. I also leaned on the support and guidance I received from my family, friends, and ADPi sisters who allowed me to recognize my value. It was through the unconditional love of my parents that I remembered that I should be proud of the young woman that I have become and that I was worthy of love. It was through my friends that I remembered to live in the moment and enjoy my life without being too hard on myself for my grade performance. It was through my sisters that I finally found women to look up to for inspiration.
In a way, having a terrible semester was one of the most valuable and life changing times I can recall. I ended up finding a major and career path that I absolutely love, and it was a period of mental and emotional growth. I owe much of this resilience and wisdom I gained to the people in my life who lead and inspire me to become the young woman I hope to be. Through this, I learned that my self-worth cannot be measured only by any grade average. No matter what my GPA might say, I am worthy of my own care, respect, and love.
Finally, to anyone who may be experiencing a similar trial in their life right now, I hope you understand how valuable, important, and loved you are. You deserve all the happiness in the world because your worth cannot be measured by an exam grade or GPA. You owe yourself to be happy and content with who you are, regardless of anyone or any number that you think says otherwise.
