I am Genderfluid

I am Genderfluid

They, Them Theirs
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First things first, this isn’t a coming out article. I’m kind of already out to most people accept maybe some of my coworkers. I’m out to my friends. I’m out to my parents. So, don’t worry about that and if you didn’t know, well now you know. Second thing is explaining what exactly gender fluid means. Is it one of those weird, wacky identities millennials have these days to seem special? No. Is it a mental disorder that can be fixed with a little help? I think it’s cool that you care about mental health, but no, this gender identity is not a mental disorder. By definition, genderfluid means “denoting or relating to a person who does not identify themselves as having a fixed gender.” That definition can be found through a quick google search. And that’s pretty much me.

In general, I’m still working out the odds and ends of my gender identity, something that’s been a lengthy process. Gender is something I’ve always thought about but it was only recently I began thinking about it outside the bounds of the gender binary and around that time is when I started questioning my gender. My identity is complicated and through pressure of feeling like I need to know right now every nuance of my identity and feeling like a fraud in my own definition of self, it can be difficult to pin it down. But luckily, I’ve been told that’s okay. The issue is that genderfluid people and those who don’t identify as “just a man” or “just a woman” live in a world where we haven’t quite developed the language to describe our gender. We don’t teach it in schools, we’ve only started teaching about it in liberal arts schools and even so a lot of it is just theory. So, really when it comes to figuring it all out, you kind of have to wing it and ignore people who doubt you because you don’t one hundred percent understand it yourself. You don’t have to be an expert on your gender identity to identify with it. A cis woman doesn’t have to be an expert on every single thing about women and what it means to be a cis woman to identify as one, why should I know every single thing about being a genderfluid person?

Right now, I’m in the phase of figuring out how I want to present myself and what does my gender identity say about my style. There aren’t a lot of great examples of fashion outside of the gender binary, from agender fashion looking like it came out of a weird sci-fi film where no one has emotions to genderfluid fashion basically trying to be both masculine and feminine and that’s barely a fraction of the complicated identity. Heck, not even sliver as everyone presents differently. So, not only do we have to figure out the language ourselves, but we have to figure out the style.

At first, I used to be really aware and scared of the levels of femininity and masculinity I was presenting at a time. I would wear something and feel weird about it being too feminine or not feminine enough or too masculine or not masculine enough. I would get weird about my hair being long because I was afraid that I looked too much like a girl but if I wore it up, I looked too much like a guy. I would have it down and feel like I’m a fraud because I could never pass as a guy but I’m not pretty enough to be a girl. But now, I wear my hair really short and I feel a lot better about my appearance. It’s a lot easier for me to feel confidently masculine or to present more feminine if I want to. For the first time in recent, I took a selfie without make up on snapchat and actually felt attractive and masculine when for years I felt that only my feminine side could be attractive. And don’t think for a second that you have to cut your hair to feel attractive as a genderfluid person. But just know that in discovering and understanding your identity, it helps to experiment, whether it means trying on clothes you normally wouldn’t try or trying a hairstyle or makeup style that is new to you. You might find you like it or that you hate it.

In discovering my identity, I was in a bad place with friends and relationships, but finding new friends who accept me, no questions asked and a significant other who supports me and my identity means the world to me and has really helped me find myself. So if you’re someone questioning their gender identity or if you feel lost in your discovery, know that you aren’t alone and that it’s okay if you don’t know everything. You don’t have to know everything right away, but you’ll get there

Cover Image Credit: Deviant Art

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20 Rules Of A Southern Belle

It is more than just biscuits and grits.
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These unwritten rules separate the people that move to the South and were born and raised in the South. If you were born and raised in a small southern town, you either are a southern belle or hope you get to marry one. Their southern charm is hard to dislike and impossible to be taught.

1. Adults are to be answered with "Yes ma’am" and "Yes sir."

Whether it’s your parents, grandparents, or the person that checks you out at the grocery store, always say yes ma’am.

2. Always write a thank you note.

For any and everything. No gesture is too small.

3. Expect a gentleman to hold the door open and pull out your chair.

Chivalry is not dead; you just need to find the right guy.

4. All tea is sweet.

Below the Mason-Dixon Line, tea is made no other way.

5. Don’t be afraid to cook with butter.

I’ve never met a good cook that didn’t giggle a little.

6. “Coke” refers to all sodas.

Here in the south, this means all types of sodas.

7. Pearls go with anything — literally anything

And every southern belle is bound to have at least one good set.

8. "If it’s not moving, monogram it."

9. Pastels are always in fashion.

And they look good on almost everyone.

10. And so is Lilly Pulitzer.

11. Curls, curls and more curls.

The bigger the hair, the closer to Jesus.

12. If you are wearing sandals, your toenails should be done.

13. Never ever ever wear white shoes, pants, dresses, or purses after Labor Day or before Easter.

Brides are the only exception. Yes we actually do follow this rule.

14. Never leave the house without lipstick.

A little mascara and lipstick can work miracles.

15. Always wear white when you walk down the aisle.

Weddings are taken very seriously here in the South, and they should be nothing but traditional.

16. Southern weddings should always be big.

The more bridesmaids the better.

17. Saturdays in the fall are reserved for college football.

Whether you spend it tailgating in that college town or watching the big game from your living room. You can guarantee that all southerner’s eyes will be glued to the game.

18. Sunday is for Jesus and resting.

19. Learn how to take compliments curiously.

20. Have class, always.

Cover Image Credit: Daily Mail

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It's 2019, And I Can Confirm One Size Does Not Fit All, At All

I'll take feeling good over meeting your standards. Thank you.

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We live in a society where being yourself and expressing who you truly are is something that is becoming more and more accepted and is actually trendy. Left and right, people are coming forward and declaring who they are and want to be in life and there is a crowd of people there to cheer them on.

There is also always that small percent sitting in the corner, ready to throw derogatory comments and taint the self-love, respect, and acceptance that's flowing.

Every single time this happens, the internet breaks and feuds form in the comment sections. How many times does this fight have to be had before people just mind their own business? How someone looks is frankly none of your concern. Whether you think the person is too fat, too skinny, too girly, too rough, too whatever, it's none of your business.

I'm a firm believer that one should focus on their own life instead of living to tear others down. You should be more concerned with feeling good in your own body than wasting your energy trying to make people ashamed of theirs. It's not your place to comment on someone's appearance.

We should work on building up confidence and feeling good in our skin. Exercising, working on your mental health, and surrounding yourself with good energy will improve your life exponentially. DO NOT do this to achieve an aesthetic or try to look like an Instagram model. Only do it to feel good about yourself internally. What you look like on the outside should only matter to you.

I would be lying if I said I didn't fall victim to countless beautiful women who post their swimsuit photos looking like they stepped out of Vogue magazine. I would be lying if I said I didn't struggle with my own body image and have to remind myself daily that it's okay to not fit their mold. I won't lie to you. We live in a world that feels the need to comment on every inch of our skin rather than focus on more important issues. Shut off the noise and ignore the words that are given in hate. You have better things to do than focus on their negativity.

Make your own mold.

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